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Abu Hamza unable to play hooky in US courtroom

Islamist preacher Abu Hamza, born Mustafa Kamal Mustafa, has appeared at the US federal court in New York this week, minus his scary bits. Hamza lost his hands doing something that ‘went down a bomb in Afghanistan’ during the 1980s, however health and safety officials have ruled that he could not wear his trademark hook in court after concerns that he could ‘have someone’s eye out.’

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Posted: Apr 18th, 2014
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Pistorius ‘held in contempt’ for rubbish Parker impressions

In a dramatic legal twist today the trial of Oscar Pistorius was halted after the whole proceedings were judged to be ‘frankly taking the piss’.

The case was halted after Pistorius rather over-did the ‘Parker off Thunderbirds’ impressions that he had been coerced into as part of a plea bargain.

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2014
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Culture Secretary blasted with Cameron’s ‘full confidence’

The Culture Secretary Maria Miller’s position is said to be ‘untenable’ today after the Prime Minister was forced to express full confidence in her actions.

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2014
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Princess Anne advocates ‘talking badgers to death’

There was outrage today as animal welfare groups reacted to clarification from the Palace that Princess Anne had meant that ‘one should simply talk these animals to death’, rather than use poison gas.

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Posted: Apr 5th, 2014
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Squudge

Max Clifford’s penis stands up in court

Clifford to bill his penis for getting it 'into the spotlight'In a surprise move yesterday, Max Clifford’s penis, Justin, dropped his anonymity to come forward at the hearing of 11 charges of indecent assault. Clifford has pleaded ‘not guilty’, and had since claimed his penis is ‘too small’ to cause trouble.

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Posted: Mar 28th, 2014
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