NewsBiscuit

Successor widely tipped to be Jesus Christ, current next-door neighbour in the Trinity.

God the Father has been a popular figure for many centuries, but in recent years has come under heavy criticism for his inability to stop wars, failure to prevent rampant homophobia among his followers and his old-fashioned dress sense. Many believers now feel a change at the top is the only way to revive Trinitarian monotheism.

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Posted: May 20th, 2009
More from From The Archives

‘Everywhere you looked there was oil and mayo oozing out of the burgers, ketchup splattered over the tables, shakes spilled across the floor.’

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Posted: Apr 23rd, 2009
More from From The Archives

The International Monetary Fund confirmed today that the giant thermometer erected outside its Washington headquarters will show the running total of funds raised for the recapitalisation of the world’s financial markets.

‘This is just the first step,’ said a spokesman. ‘We’ve got a fete lined up, followed by a sponsored walk, a bring-and-buy sale, and an international five-trillion-bob-a-job week.

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Posted: Mar 30th, 2009
More from Business

The government confirmed yesterday that the United Kingdom is on course to meet 100% of its herbal needs using home-grown cannabis by the end of next year, and may even become a net exporter by 2011.

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Posted: Mar 22nd, 2009
More from Business, Environment