U.S. conservatives defend ‘the right to bear fat’
‘Everywhere you looked there was oil and mayo oozing out of the burgers, ketchup splattered over the tables, shakes spilled across the floor.’
Posted: Apr 29th, 2013
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Thatcher ‘risen from the dead’, claim Thatcherites
Just three days after her death, followers of Margaret Thatcher are claiming their leader has come back to life. Unconfirmed reports suggest she has appeared across Britain, still preaching the ‘good news’ of monetarism and a robust fiscal policy, and looking transfigured by the whole death experience.
Posted: Apr 11th, 2013
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Church of England ‘forces women into bobble hats’
The Church of England confirmed yesterday that it will soon require female adherents to cover their heads in public, and that the covering should be ‘fluffy, preferably woollen, with a pom-pom on top’.
Posted: Mar 29th, 2013
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English Christmas Markets take Germany by storm
Towns across Germany have reported record numbers of people deserting their traditional Christmas Markets in favour of newer imports from England. ‘We were all getting bored of gingerbread, wooden toys and gluhwein,’ said Alex Reichelt, mayor of Nurnberg, ‘and everyone fancied something a bit more exotic – fake Duracells, toy dogs with hidden spikes, cheap womens’ knickers with the label of the shop they were nicked from cut out. The English have given us all this – and more!’
Posted: Dec 14th, 2012
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Turkeys narrowly reject anti-Christmas motion
The Turkeys of England have narrowly rejected a motion that promised to replace old-fashioned Christmas carnage with a bright, death-free 21st century future, due to strong opposition from traditional wings of the shed.
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