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Other stories by SuburbanDad

Stations of the Cross closed – replacement buses brought in

Stations 6 and 7 of the Cross, currently closed for refurbishment, will not be ready for use this Easter due to unforeseen problems with sub-contractors.

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Posted: Apr 21st, 2014
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SuburbanDad

Kebab shop moves into ‘vajazzle sponsorship’

extras available on the side ‘We’d often wondered how to crack the elusive 17-25 male-pissed-out-of-head-and-needing-a-calorie-boost-after-some-late-night-action market segment.’

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Posted: Mar 30th, 2014
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SuburbanDad

Roman middle classes ‘furious’ at government’s response to volcanic apocalypse

infamy, infamy..Pompeii could have been saved from the magma waves if the authorities had done more to protect its buildings than stack piles of surplus slaves up in front of the doors, local residents claimed yesterday.

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Posted: Feb 12th, 2014
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SuburbanDad

Lose a leg for us this Dismember, urges charity

A local charity is raising awareness of its cause by calling the twelfth month of the year ‘Dismember’ and urging the public to ‘chop one off for us’, it was confirmed yesterday. ‘It doesn’t have to be a whole arm or leg – just below the knee or elbow would be fine’ said a spokesman. ‘It could even be your little fella – we don’t mind what you do as long as you Instagram the panicked reaction of your colleagues when blood starts spurting all over the office breakout area’.

The Carshalton Pet Bereavement Counselling Service is asking volunteers to raise a minimum of £1000 in sponsorship to fund a joining pack comprising a small chainsaw, a large tourniquet, and a wipe-clean leaflet explaining how, for many, losing a pet can be ‘literally like losing a limb’.

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Posted: Nov 29th, 2013
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SuburbanDad

Donkey Sanctuary ‘should have spotted the donkeys were people in costumes’

‘In stable number 6 we had a radio, tv, everything. Back in Piraeus my bank had just repossessed the stereo – what did I have to lose?’

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Posted: Nov 13th, 2013
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