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Lorry completes overtaking manoeuvre after 17 years

lorryA lorry driver from the West Midlands was celebrating today after finally succeeding in overtaking another lorry. Tom Shepheard, 47, began the manoeuvre shortly after his 30th birthday while travelling 0.02mph faster than the vehicle ahead.

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Posted: Apr 22nd, 2009
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MPs call for Newcastle United to be nationalised

A group of North East MPs has called for the Government to nationalise struggling Premier League team Newcastle United. ‘It’s not about money’ said their spokesman. ‘Just like the banks, it’s all about confidence, and that’s what our lads lack at the moment – well, that and goals, obviously.’

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Posted: Apr 11th, 2009
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Government to provide Polish accent classes for UK unemployed.

Out-of-work British workers are to be taught how to sound foreign in order to make them seem more employable, the government has announced. Classes in Polish intonation are being developed which centre on the use of the letters W and Z in everyday conversation.

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Posted: Apr 8th, 2009
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London to outsource 2012 Olympics to China

A ground-breaking agreement has been reached for the 2012 Olympics to be outsourced to China. The arrangement is being hailed as a win-win situation, which will capitalize on China’s success in 2008 and relieve the UK of an unwanted financial commitment at a difficult economic time. Negotiations are in progress over the split of jobs between London and Beijing, but almost broke down when Gordon Brown insisted that China should take Boris Johnson as part of the deal.

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Posted: Apr 7th, 2009
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Novelty of hearing neighbours having sex quickly wearing off

They were at it all nightIt was once a source of amusement, surprise and even titillation, but now Coventry analyst Ben Jarman is finding the sexual antics of his new neighbours ‘tiring’ and ‘a bloody nuisance’.

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Posted: Mar 6th, 2009
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