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U2 talk down ‘mediocre’ new album

Irish rockers U2 have been unusually candid in a round of interviews given on the eve of the release of their latest album, There’s Worse Ways To Kill 50 Minutes. Tired of thinking up increasingly extravagant hyperbole to make what is essentially the same as their last three albums seem like the Second Coming, the band have decided to be more realistic.

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Posted: Oct 25th, 2012
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Textbook

Unlucky man has all his Christmases come at once

‘Shopping for 37 Christmases for all your friends and families is a nightmare,’ revealed Nito, who is still suffering the terrible mental side effects of concentrated exposure to months’ worth of novelty Christmas songs.

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2012
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Textbook

Internet now with ‘Auto-Adolf-Comparison’ feature

It is a rule of any political debate that if it goes on long enough one party will compare the other to Adolf Hitler, instantly losing the debate. Now to speed up the process, a new internet feature is being activated which auto-corrects all similes and metaphors so that they reference Hitler.

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Posted: Jun 5th, 2012
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Textbook

Police bring in top Indian chef to design new line of pepper sprays

‘For too long the copper’s pepper spray has been unimaginative and blunt, sacrificing tone and texture for sheer volume of heat.’

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Posted: May 30th, 2012
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Textbook

Vettel’s dreams of F1 glory dashed after locking himself out of car

‘Before I realised what I’d done I’d slammed the door shut with the keys inside. What an idiot! I couldn’t believe it. It was so embarrassing.’

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2012
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