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News In Brief

Paul Gambaccini ‘sick to death’ of saying nice things about dead pop singers.

Camp David fracas as Merkel chins Cameron

Police shun new wind-up taser

Audi driver stripped of car for ‘wantonly courteous driving’

Queen now regrets agreeing to work the bank holiday

‘Women hate me because my poo doesn’t stink’, says Daily Mail’s Samantha Brick

New Royal Enclosure opened at Chester Zoo

Independent campaign against cock fighting ‘huge success’ says The Independent

Sir Alex Ferguson complains about extra time at DFS sale

Kate Middleton signs for ‘Disney Princesses’

Local Lothario celebrates eighth full year of paternity leave

43,000 mile cab ride was ‘shortcut’ claims driver

Streatham man’s Corsa and bangin’ sound system deployed in Olympic terror fight

Mr. Muscle banned from competing at London Olympics

Mugging targets urged to carry more cash to avoid ‘social death’

Government hails success of new scheme to get Prince Charles into work

Olympic fag lit

Nokia unveils world’s first ‘Smart Human’ device

Leveson Inquiry delayed to allow time to appoint Parseltongue translator

God forced to admit that network omnipotency actually only 99.3%