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Daily Mail holds swearing-at ceremony for new French president

Will this man cause the price of your house to CRASH? Speccy French git could give you cancer

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Posted: May 20th, 2015
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The Paper Ostrich

Massive hippopotamus and teeny little bird hail ‘essential relationship’

can't live without each otherA massive hippopotamus and a teeny tiny little bird have hailed their ‘unique and essential relationship’, during a three-day visit to the hippopotamus’s backside by the bird this week.

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Posted: Mar 17th, 2015
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The Paper Ostrich

Decisive EU warning on Crimea: ‘Eurovision will be really awkward this year’

Anything but Boom Bang-a-Bang, pleaseEuropean Union leaders have made their first common statement on the Ukraine crisis, warning Russia that its actions leave them no choice but to be ‘really, really frosty’ at this year’s Eurovision Song Contest.

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Posted: Mar 13th, 2015
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The Paper Ostrich

Nation enthralled as Kate does thing

apparently she's married to thingummy whatsitThe Duchess of Cambridge captivated the national media this morning as she travelled to a place and did a thing.

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Posted: Feb 16th, 2015
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The Paper Ostrich

Liberal Democrats ‘will be more like Apprentice contestants’, promises Clegg

"a bloody shambles"‘The Liberal Democrats are going to step up to the plate, give it 150 per cent, think outside the box and deliver incredible results.’

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Posted: Oct 15th, 2014
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