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Government crime figures show huge drop in cartoon villainy

ASBOs an effective deterrent for crime on nation's railways.Convictions for cartoonish villainy have dropped by nearly 70% since Labour came to power, new Home Office statistics reveal.
The figures show that in 2008 only two women were tied to railway tracks by convicted cape-wearing moustache-twirling scoundrels, down from nearly 1,000 in 1928.

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Posted: Sep 21st, 2014
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Independent Scotland ‘will never know sex of Royal baby’, says PM

Won't be called Alex, that's for sureDavid Cameron has denied that the campaign against Scottish independence has ‘run out of ideas’ today by announcing that an independent Scotland will ‘never find out’ what sex the new Royal baby turns out to be. ‘I won’t tell you whether it’s a girl or a boy, and you won’t be able to watch BBC News 24 to find out either,’ the prime minister said at a Better Together hustings in Dumfries. ‘And don’t expect the Queen to tell you either, if you vote yes she’ll be bloody furious.’

The Royal baby news has caused an otherwise leaden referendum campaign to explode into life. Scottish Labour MP Jim Murphy has returned to his tedious tour of Scotland’s high streets, temporarily abandoned last week after an egg-throwing voter accused him of ‘not talking about the Royal family enough’.

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Posted: Sep 8th, 2014
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PM unveils curbs on ‘exploitative, degrading, irritating’ Royal baby coverage

determined to shut down access to baby pornEvery household in the UK is to have endless, vacuous reporting of the birth and infancy of the Royal baby blocked by their internet provider unless they choose to receive it, David Cameron has announced.

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Posted: Aug 2nd, 2014
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Royal Jubilee engagements causing backlog of unopened supermarkets

Tesco and Sainsbury’s have led angry calls for the Royal Family to ‘stop fannying about for the Jubilee’

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Posted: Jun 1st, 2014
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Liberal Democrats attempt largest salvage operation in history

serious cracks could appear at any momentA major salvage operation is underway in Glasgow, where a team of engineers are said to be ‘extremely pessimistic’ about their chances of successfully resurrecting a sunken political party, the Liberal Democrats.

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Posted: May 29th, 2014
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