NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Other stories by The Paper Ostrich

Liberal Democrats ‘will be more like Apprentice contestants’, promises Clegg

"a bloody shambles"‘The Liberal Democrats are going to step up to the plate, give it 150 per cent, think outside the box and deliver incredible results.’

Read more >

Posted: Oct 15th, 2014
More from From The Archives



The Paper Ostrich

Mr Uppity ‘fuming’ after secret video reveals disparaging comments about Mr Men

still supported by almost half the populationIn the recording, made at a private donor dinner for Uppity supporters, the wealthy top hat-wearing aristocrat is shown describing 47% of Mr Men and Little Misses as ‘scroungers’ who would ‘only ever’ vote for his opponent.

Read more >

Posted: Sep 23rd, 2014
More from From The Archives



The Paper Ostrich

Government crime figures show huge drop in cartoon villainy

ASBOs an effective deterrent for crime on nation's railways.Convictions for cartoonish villainy have dropped by nearly 70% since Labour came to power, new Home Office statistics reveal.
The figures show that in 2008 only two women were tied to railway tracks by convicted cape-wearing moustache-twirling scoundrels, down from nearly 1,000 in 1928.

Read more >

Posted: Sep 21st, 2014
More from From The Archives



The Paper Ostrich

Independent Scotland ‘will never know sex of Royal baby’, says PM

Won't be called Alex, that's for sureDavid Cameron has denied that the campaign against Scottish independence has ‘run out of ideas’ today by announcing that an independent Scotland will ‘never find out’ what sex the new Royal baby turns out to be. ‘I won’t tell you whether it’s a girl or a boy, and you won’t be able to watch BBC News 24 to find out either,’ the prime minister said at a Better Together hustings in Dumfries. ‘And don’t expect the Queen to tell you either, if you vote yes she’ll be bloody furious.’

The Royal baby news has caused an otherwise leaden referendum campaign to explode into life. Scottish Labour MP Jim Murphy has returned to his tedious tour of Scotland’s high streets, temporarily abandoned last week after an egg-throwing voter accused him of ‘not talking about the Royal family enough’.

Read more >

Posted: Sep 8th, 2014
More from Politics



The Paper Ostrich

PM unveils curbs on ‘exploitative, degrading, irritating’ Royal baby coverage

determined to shut down access to baby pornEvery household in the UK is to have endless, vacuous reporting of the birth and infancy of the Royal baby blocked by their internet provider unless they choose to receive it, David Cameron has announced.

Read more >

Posted: Aug 2nd, 2014
More from From The Archives