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PM unveils curbs on ‘exploitative, degrading, irritating’ Royal baby coverage

determined to shut down access to baby pornEvery household in the UK is to have endless, vacuous reporting of the birth and infancy of the Royal baby blocked by their internet provider unless they choose to receive it, David Cameron has announced.

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Posted: Aug 2nd, 2014
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Royal Jubilee engagements causing backlog of unopened supermarkets

Tesco and Sainsbury’s have led angry calls for the Royal Family to ‘stop fannying about for the Jubilee’

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Posted: Jun 1st, 2014
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Liberal Democrats attempt largest salvage operation in history

serious cracks could appear at any momentA major salvage operation is underway in Glasgow, where a team of engineers are said to be ‘extremely pessimistic’ about their chances of successfully resurrecting a sunken political party, the Liberal Democrats.

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Posted: May 29th, 2014
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Italy evacuates 120,000 teenage girls from vicinity of Silvio Berlusconi

Shaddupa ya face.‘We urge you to dress sensibly, tell your parents and cooperate with the authorities, but not in the way that Silvio means it.’

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Posted: Mar 15th, 2014
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Decisive EU warning on Crimea: ‘Eurovision will be really awkward this year’

Anything but Boom Bang-a-Bang, pleaseEuropean Union leaders have made their first common statement on the Ukraine crisis, warning Russia that its actions leave them no choice but to be ‘really, really frosty’ at this year’s Eurovision Song Contest.

‘The aggressive action of the Russian government towards a sovereign European state is unacceptable,’ the statement reads. ‘We are all completely in agreement that, unless the Crimea is returned to Ukrainian control, we will make things really, really awkward in the green room at this year’s Eurovision, make no mistake. We will certainly not cheer when the Russians come on, we will wave no Russian flags, and if anybody votes for them we will tut, not just firmly, but audibly.’

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2014
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