NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Other stories by The Paper Ostrich

Liberal Democrats attempt largest salvage operation in history

serious cracks could appear at any momentA major salvage operation is underway in Glasgow, where a team of engineers are said to be ‘extremely pessimistic’ about their chances of successfully resurrecting a sunken political party, the Liberal Democrats.

Read more >

Posted: May 29th, 2014
More from From The Archives



The Paper Ostrich

Italy evacuates 120,000 teenage girls from vicinity of Silvio Berlusconi

Shaddupa ya face.‘We urge you to dress sensibly, tell your parents and cooperate with the authorities, but not in the way that Silvio means it.’

Read more >

Posted: Mar 15th, 2014
More from From The Archives



The Paper Ostrich

Decisive EU warning on Crimea: ‘Eurovision will be really awkward this year’

Anything but Boom Bang-a-Bang, pleaseEuropean Union leaders have made their first common statement on the Ukraine crisis, warning Russia that its actions leave them no choice but to be ‘really, really frosty’ at this year’s Eurovision Song Contest.

‘The aggressive action of the Russian government towards a sovereign European state is unacceptable,’ the statement reads. ‘We are all completely in agreement that, unless the Crimea is returned to Ukrainian control, we will make things really, really awkward in the green room at this year’s Eurovision, make no mistake. We will certainly not cheer when the Russians come on, we will wave no Russian flags, and if anybody votes for them we will tut, not just firmly, but audibly.’

Read more >

Posted: Mar 4th, 2014
More from Politics



The Paper Ostrich

Severe flooding floods flooding flood, water flooding rain flooding flooded

Severe floods floods floods, the UK flooding flooded flooding, flooding floods.

Incompetent environment secretary Owen Floods flood ‘Flooding flooding floods, flooding water water floods.’ Flooding flooding floods flooding flooding. Flooding flooding flooding, flooding flooding floods, flood flood ‘flood flood flood’ flood flood.

Read more >

Posted: Feb 14th, 2014
More from News In Brief



The Paper Ostrich

Ghost of Christmas Future ‘in despair’ after visit to George Osborne

if only he could realise it's not about the money, or even understand what money is. Merry Christmas, one and all.‘He didn’t even bat an eyelid when I showed him what would happen to poor little Tiny Clegg,’

Read more >

Posted: Dec 5th, 2013
More from From The Archives