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Other stories by The Paper Ostrich

Nation’s husbands call for lawnmower ban

oh, go on, please?!Four UK water companies have lifted the last hosepipe bans, triggering calls by Britain’s husbands to introduce a lawnmower ban instead in order to prevent dangerous levels of nagging about the state of the nation’s gardens.

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Posted: Jul 11th, 2012
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The Paper Ostrich

Electorate send horrified BNP leader to work with foreigners

'They're disgusting!'British voters have forced the leader of the British National Party Nick Griffin out of the country after electing him as a member of the European Parliament as a wind up. ‘Now they’re saying they want me to go and work with hundreds of disgusting foreigners’ Griffin whined.

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Posted: Jun 23rd, 2012
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The Paper Ostrich

Nancy Cameron in failed bid to distract David Cameron from cocking anything else up

Nancy Cameron has apologised to the nation after her bid to distract her father from cocking anything else up by hiding in a country pub ended in failure.

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Posted: Jun 11th, 2012
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The Paper Ostrich

Royal Jubilee engagements causing backlog of unopened supermarkets

Supermarket giants including Tesco and Sainsbury’s have led angry calls for the Royal Family to ‘stop fannying about for the Jubilee’ after news emerged that forty fully-stocked supermarkets have been left unopened for months.

‘We’ve been continuing to expand our operations across the United Kingdom,’ said Tesco chief executive Philip Clarke. ‘But since this Diamond Jubilee nonsense started, we’ve been left with 17 stores ready to go but unopened because the Royals are all booked up reading the weather or dancing with Usain Bolt in Jamaica or sailing down the bloody Thames.’

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Posted: Jun 1st, 2012
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The Paper Ostrich

Daily Mail holds swearing-at ceremony for new French president

Will this man cause the price of your house to CRASH?The Daily Mail has welcomed the new French president, Francois Hollande, with a lavish swearing-at ceremony to mark his first day in office.

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Posted: May 15th, 2012
More from World News