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Triple-dip latest: Jubilant Chancellor ‘ready’ for outpouring of national gratitude

The ever-popular Chancellor, George Osborne, has led a wave of national jubilation after the wonderful news emerged that the UK has avoided a triple-dip recession.

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Posted: Apr 25th, 2013
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The Paper Ostrich

Ghost of Christmas Future ‘in despair’ after visit to George Osborne

if only he could realise it's not about the money, or even understand what money is. Merry Christmas, one and all.‘He didn’t even bat an eyelid when I showed him what would happen to poor little Tiny Clegg,’

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Posted: Dec 24th, 2012
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The Paper Ostrich

Dazzling reshuffle marks start of Coalition closing ceremony

Lib Dems competed despite only having one Clegg‘The thing I’ve loved about this government is that it’s showcased the abilities of British ministers, not their disabilities, which clearly include incompetence, venality and hypocrisy,’ he said.

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Posted: Sep 10th, 2012
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The Paper Ostrich

Nation’s husbands call for lawnmower ban

oh, go on, please?!Four UK water companies have lifted the last hosepipe bans, triggering calls by Britain’s husbands to introduce a lawnmower ban instead in order to prevent dangerous levels of nagging about the state of the nation’s gardens.

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Posted: Jul 11th, 2012
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The Paper Ostrich

Electorate send horrified BNP leader to work with foreigners

'They're disgusting!'British voters have forced the leader of the British National Party Nick Griffin out of the country after electing him as a member of the European Parliament as a wind up. ‘Now they’re saying they want me to go and work with hundreds of disgusting foreigners’ Griffin whined.

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Posted: Jun 23rd, 2012
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