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Tories to stop Santa migration by Christmas

nothing at all to declare, apart from 65 million bottles of Baileys David Cameron has announced plans to curb the flood of European migrant workers, specifically mythological 4th-century Greek bishops, from invading our homes. The Prime Minister has promised to apply an ‘emergency brake’ on rotund present-givers who have been sneaking across our borders with the aid of a magical flying sleigh and a blithe disregard for passport control.

A Home Office spokeswoman said: ‘We need to beware of Greeks bearing gifts – or pretty much anyone from Eastern Europe – smelling of mince pies. We can’t just have quasi-mystical figures coming over here, parking their clapped-out reindeer wherever they want, stealing our low-wage jobs – jobs which could easily be filled by a British Druid or Boggart – and blackmailing hard-working British families into plying them with sherry.’

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Posted: Oct 20th, 2014
More from UK News



Wrenfoe

US public mistake The Walking Dead for media’s Ebola coverage

Seventeen million Americans tuned into the fifth season of AMC’s post-apocalyptic horror show The Walking Dead, mostly unaware that it was not a public information film from Fox News.

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Posted: Oct 20th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Wrenfoe

Last clothed selfie ‘taken in 2009′, historians discover

now collectable on iCloudWith hundreds of thousands of naked images being hacked and leaked via forums on ‘4chan’, law enforcement agencies have concluded that 99% of all photos are now of the naked variety. In fact most mobile users now find it more convenient to sign off text messages with a ‘dick pic’ or ‘nip shot’ than take the trouble to leave a few kisses, smiley icon or their contact details at the House of Commons.

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Posted: Oct 14th, 2014
More from Lifestyle



Wrenfoe

New ‘Dad’s Army’ cast ill-prepared for Ebola storyline

fans were wondering who'd spot that firstScriptwriter Hamish McColl has been told that he needs to ‘reboot’ his big-screen remake of the 70’s sitcom, in a way that reflects the perils of modern warfare.

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Posted: Oct 10th, 2014
More from Arts/Entertainment, World News



Wrenfoe

Drone strike hits Cameron as he claims to be a ‘friend’ of Afghanistan

The UK Prime Minister was forced to dig himself and the new Afghan President, Ashraf Ghani, out from under a pile rubble – left by the impact of a surgical drone strike.

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Posted: Oct 4th, 2014
More from World News