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Other stories by Wrenfoe

Pensioners helpfully reminded ‘your days are numbered’

Pensions Minister Steve Webb has proposed that all of the UK’s OAPs should be given a stark reality check in terms of life expectancy. Mr Webb’s understandable concern is that the elderly are unaware of their own mortality and that previous attempts to pursue them with dark storm clouds, circling vultures and ‘a dyspeptic hobgoblin carrying an oversized hourglass’ did not have ‘the desired impact’.

Initially there will be a leaflet campaign depicting images of ‘memento mori’, ‘broken mirrors’ and stills from the ‘Final Destination’ movie franchise. This will be supplemented with a visit by a blind pirate bearing the black-spot, quickly followed by the erection of a glowing white tunnel outside their front door. If the pensioner has still not ‘got the hint’, they will be given a face-to-face consultation with a wailing banshee.

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Posted: Apr 18th, 2014
More from Health



Wrenfoe

Adoption agencies inundated with middle-class toddlers post ‘Offer Day’

where's the hope?As UK primary schools announce their allocated places, aspiring parents have been forced to make some tough decisions between living with the shame of an infant in an average OFSTED institution or to ‘cut their losses and run’.

Social services have observed a spiked increase in the number of Jacobs and Jemimas left outside orphanages with nothing but a small bowl of couscous, a Boden catalogue and a £20 M&S voucher.

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Posted: Apr 16th, 2014
More from UK News



Wrenfoe

Alleged Islamic takeover of schools ‘can’t be worse than Gove’

A Birmingham inquiry into a hard-line Muslims taking control of city schools, it set to conclude that a fundamentalist rejection of 21st century learning ‘can not be more detrimental’ than the Secretary of State’s A level reforms.

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Posted: Apr 16th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Wrenfoe

‘Dirty’ Fuel needs to be replaced with something ‘less smutty’ – insists UN

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) has published a damning report on how ‘excessively crude’ oils are corrupting the young with their reliance on ‘salacious carbon-intensive’ fuels and lewd references to ‘fracking’. UN scientists now support a swift transition to ‘less risqué’ forms of energy, such as ‘natural gas’ – which although fostering scatological humour does at least lower emissions ‘without lowering the tone.’

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Wrenfoe

Middle-aged Dungeons & Dragons experts ‘still not getting respect they deserve’

Although Dungeons & Dragons is celebrating its 40th anniversary, many participants are concerned that their contributions to society, heavy metal t-shirts and virginity have been overlooked. While other 80′s pastimes such as Tetris, rampant capitalism and heroin have achieved respectability, fans of D&D are still derided as ‘bespectacled geeks’.

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Posted: Apr 12th, 2014
More from Lifestyle