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Other stories by Wrenfoe

Manchester United crowds to be banned from looking at scores

"Moyes, Moyyyyess!"In a move designed to avoid discontent among fans and shareholders, Manchester United officials have taken the unprecedented decision to ban tablets, laptops and anything else that might bring about access to the league table from within the hallowed portals Old Trafford.

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Posted: Aug 15th, 2014
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Wrenfoe

Drink bottles to carry images of washed-up alcoholic celebrities

An all-party Parliamentary group has recommended that, rather than ambiguous health warnings, all bottles containing alcohol should depict career suicides. A range of images will accompany the tag line ‘Liquid Death’, including Shane McGowan’s dental records and everything featuring Mel Gibson.

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Posted: Aug 13th, 2014
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Wrenfoe

‘School of Hard Knocks’ to become ‘University of Life’

The School of Hard Knocks has a reputation for low fees, a broad curriculum, and high mortality rates.

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Posted: Aug 12th, 2014
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Wrenfoe

Bear Grylls to sue George Foreman for ‘Grill’ copyright infringement

Specifically he hopes to stamp out illicit meat broiling, parallel bars and ‘the kind of cross-examination that only occurs in US cop shows’.

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Posted: Aug 9th, 2014
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Wrenfoe

Russia phones National Bullying Helpline

In the weepy small hours of the weekend, the peoples of the Russian Federation jammed phone lines with complaints of harassment and online bullying by members of the UN. In a week that has seen the Eurasian nation unfairly implicated in the downing of Malaysia Airlines MH17, Moscow officials complained that they had been accused by the US of being ‘fat’, ‘spotty’ and ‘not knowing’ the words to One Direction’s last single.

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Posted: Jul 31st, 2014
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