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Other stories by Wrenfoe

Home-brewed morphine to replace Saturday night TV

Health Officials warned about the dangers of overdosing on morphine, but admitted that it is no worse than Britain’s Got Talent and a far more reliable form of pain relief than watching Come Dine With Me. It can also be taken in table form, whereas Big Brother only works as a suppository.

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Posted: May 22nd, 2015
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Wrenfoe

Cannes also cracking down on short actors

Having courted controversy by requiring all women to wear heels on the red carpet, the Cannes Film Festival has now insisted that all pint-sized actors must bring their own pogo stick. Gone is the Golden Era of Hollywood, when Mickey Rooney could demand to be placed on a plinth and his co-stars were forced to saw their own legs off at the knee.

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Posted: May 21st, 2015
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Wrenfoe

Social workers to be fast-tracked to a nervous breakdown

best to get it over with quickly, says governmentStudents will be air-dropped, naked, into the most challenging urban areas in the country

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Posted: May 19th, 2015
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Wrenfoe

Hi-tech scanning reveals a third of Election promises to be empty

Using technology developed to see inside Egyptian Mummies the University of Manchester has discovered that a significant number of general election manifestos had no real substance and were in fact just ‘bundles of cloth, filled with mud and sticks’.

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Posted: May 11th, 2015
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Wrenfoe

Gove to academise Prisons

still likely to change his mind on a weekly basisDavid Cameron’s first instruction to new Justice Secretary Michael Gove, his most significant appointment of his new Cabinet, is to unleash George Eliot’s ‘Middlemarch’ upon unsuspecting prison inmates now that his predecessor Chris Grayling’s book ban has been reversed.

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Posted: May 10th, 2015
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