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Other stories by Wrenfoe

Sporting excellence linked to quality of bedtime stories

Voldemort spurs them onHaving discovered that sleeping patterns impact on performance levels, researchers at the University of Birmingham have now revealed that top athletes perform best when their passage from wakefulness to sleep includes chapters read from Harry Potter, with all the voices ‘done by a grown up’.

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Posted: Jan 30th, 2015
More from Sport



Wrenfoe

Desperate bankers turn to payday loans to fund bonuses

‘Without George Osborne agreeing to double our bonus cap, RBS may be compelled to return to what we do best – investing in animal cruelty, funding environmental disasters and libor-rigging’.

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Posted: Jan 28th, 2015
More from From The Archives



Wrenfoe

Greece votes to change billing address

'Greece is out right now...'The Greek electorate has been celebrating the adoption of a national policy of ‘the cheque being in the post’ by a larger than expected margin in early elections.

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Posted: Jan 26th, 2015
More from World News



Wrenfoe

Page 3 to feature extracts from Chilcot inquiry

'Actually, string 'em up,' says Rupert, 83In a surprise U-turn, The Sun has renewed its commitment to publishing salacious images that may cause offence to decent people everywhere, including Tony Blair and George W. Bush in a series of compromising positions with Weapons of Mass Destruction. Editor David Dinsmore explained: ‘Figuratively speaking Blair and Bush were the biggest pair of tits we could find. And there are plenty more breast-related puns where that one came from, oh yes. Just keep counting.’

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Posted: Jan 23rd, 2015
More from UK News



Wrenfoe

Lib Dems to eliminate main cause of childhood illiteracy – stupid children

another vote winner!In a bold statement of intent, Liberal Democratic Party leader Nick Clegg has set out his kid-free vision of the future. With a clear manifesto commitment, the Liberal Democrats expect to put an end to small people saying ‘I’m bored’ or ‘It’s not fair’ and monopolising all the jelly. By 2025, the Lib Dems have also promised to eradicate nose-picking in public.

A party spokeswoman explained: ‘We are not going to euthanise the grammatically challenged kiddie-winks as such. That would be cruel and, more to the point, time-consuming. We are just going to reclassify them as ‘stupid very young adults’. As such, they will be legally entitled to vote Liberal Democrat.’

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2015
More from Education