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‘Diet lard’ released to combat obesity epidemic

selling by the tub-load‘When a customer is called ‘lard arse’, they can point to the label and say ‘no, diet lard arse’

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2014
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Thatcher a surprise entrant in London Marathon

Thatcher, a first-time marathoner, is relieved to be still in the field after an interrupted preparation marred by ligament problems and then death.

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Posted: Apr 20th, 2013
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Huge latex prayer dome to be erected in honour of departing Pope

fears that contractors may pull out earlyThe Vatican has announced that a huge latex prayer dome is to be erected in St Peter’s Square in honour of Pope Benedict XVI. It is expected to be the first of many throughout the world, and will offer millions of ordinary Catholics unmatched protection from the elements.

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Posted: Mar 2nd, 2013
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Police warn of predators using flowers and chocolate to obtain sex

UK police have issued a ‘code red’ warning saying that the risk of being pestered by a sexual predator is the highest it has been in 364 days, and only just below the all-time high of the 1977 BBC ‘Meet the Presenters’ day.

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Posted: Feb 14th, 2013
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Comedy-starved prisoners ask police to arrest a funny comedian

The prospect of sharing a cell with Jim Davidson or Freddie Starr has failed to excite Britain’s prison population, who are hoping that someone funny like Michael McIntyre will be arrested.

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Posted: Jan 4th, 2013
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