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Celebrities ‘too scared to die’ in wake of Savile scandal

the show must go onFollowing the ongoing controversy of the Jimmy Savile affair, the days of a celebrity’s death being the ideal way to future-proof their legacy seem firmly to be over, with many famous people now avoiding death like the plague.

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Posted: Oct 29th, 2012
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Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme split citing ‘culinary differences’

Well known herb ensemble Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme today announced they were going their separate ways. While the official reason stated was ‘culinary differences’, it is widely speculated they can no longer bear to be in the same dish together.

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Posted: Oct 28th, 2012
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Muslim riots peter out on hearing ‘sticks and stones’ rhyme

Violent demonstrations throughout the Islamic world against the US video mocking the Prophet Mohamed have scaled down after the broadcast of the rhyme ‘sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me’ on an Al Jazeera children’s show.

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Posted: Sep 25th, 2012
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West Ham supporters to spice up Muslim rioters’ chants

The collaboration has led to new chants for the rioters, including ‘When the Mullahs come marching in’ and ‘I’m forever blowing up infidels’.

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Posted: Sep 17th, 2012
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USA to become a people-free gun reserve

Under Obama’s people control plan, all Americans will be relocated to Canada, and all guns will remain in the United States. ‘Without people to fire the guns, and without people to fire guns at, shootings will completely disappear,’ noted Obama.

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Posted: Jul 23rd, 2012
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