Britain has returned to its renowned specialisms of institutionalisation, sterile routine, ignorant posturing and xenophobic scandal this week following a sweltering record-breaking summer. Archetypal British dick Nigel Walker said: ‘After a joyous couple of weeks scratching my crotch in the same underpants in a different time and weather zone, [read...]
The Football Association has announced plans to appeal the result of the 2018 World Cup on the sole ground that no ‘deal’ was reached. The FA’s chief negotiator, Mr Andrew Andrews, has confirmed: ‘We do not recognise this news of an English defeat in the absence of a deal. [read...]
The repetitive, marginal, boring, rewardless football match between England and Belgium spearheaded by a team of substitutes has no relevance to the current Brexit negotiations between Westminster and Brussels, Theresa May has insisted. In a rare display of support for the Prime Minister, [read...]
The Panamanian government has confirmed it will not field any players at all at their national side’s forthcoming World Cup clash with England. Instead, any goalmouth action from England will trigger an instant release of data relating to British involvement in offshore financing and money laundering. [read...]
Sir Christopher Chope OBE has caused confusion by shouting ‘objection’ to a private member’s bill that would prohibit ‘upskirting’, which presumably has the unanimous support of every single woman in recorded history. Sir Christopher was overheard saying: ‘If God had meant us not take photographs of c$$ts, [read...]
