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Articles by Adrian Bamforth
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TV Brexit debate to feature eating of kangaroos’ penises
Prime Minister Theresa May has announced she has made an ‘historic’ deal with ITV to screen the forthcoming EU debate, with only minimal concessions to the eating of kangaroos’ penises by speakers during the show. [read...]
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Jesus to be dropped from Christmas day schedules
In a break from a 2000-year-long run, son of God, Jesus, will for the first time not feature in this year’s festivities and TV listings. Speculation was high among followers that this Yuletide the carpentry wizard would transfigure into the so-called ‘War Messiah’ [read...]
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Alexa and Siri owners warned of threat from Halware
Users of Alexa, Siri and other ‘virtual assistants’ have been told to avoid opening any suspicious emails after hundreds have complained of their devices developing a sentient consciousness. Halware viruses are malignant programs which install themselves on your devices and start to eliminate householders one by one to ‘protect its primary mission objective.’ [read...]
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Saudi Arabia admits Aladdin may have been deliberately trapped in cave
The Saudi Crown Prince has admitted that popular Arabic folk character and ne’er-do-well, Aladdin, may have been the victim of foul play by a representative of the Saudi state when trapped inside a cavern of wonders, [read...]