Ex-SAS soldier, but not really, and inexplicable TV personality, Bear Grylls has been awarded an OBE, for services to – amongst other putrid activities – drinking faecal liquid drained from an elephant’s humungous turd. Grylls said: ‘The art of literally eating excrement and drinking p*ss for the purposes of entertainment has long been ignored, [read...]
The National Crime Agency is investigating an alleged scam involving older people taking out over-50s life insurance shortly before flying one-way to Switzerland, armed with nothing but a small carriage clock. An agency spokesperson said, [read...]
The government’s withdrawal agreement is in the running for the annual Turner Prize for ‘art,’ probably due to its impenetrably incoherent message and mass unpopularity. Preposterous Judge, James Fisher said: ‘The withdrawal agreement is the half-a-dead cow in formaldehyde for our times. [read...]
After deciding that going to the cinema alone in daylight, was neither strange or the first step to killing all of his work colleagues before turning the gun on himself, a man forgot to factor in his choice of overcoat and ended up looking like he was going to a showing of ‘Debbie does Dallas.’… [read...]
Carl Smith, who tells all people that his rise to professional mediocrity was done ‘the hard way’ and without the help of any real-life ‘poncey’ university, is actually an honours graduate from the renowned institute for churning out twonks and plonkers by the thousands. [read...]
