Book of phone numbers ‘left on doorstep’
‘How could they know my number, my address, my postcode and everything? It’s frightening.’
Posted: Nov 30th, 2009
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Labour to use ‘guest leaders’
Labour Party to follow the example of Have I Got News For You
Posted: Sep 10th, 2009
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Christian Scientists split god
A group of Christian research scientists in Massachusetts announced this week that they had managed for the first time to split God into his component parts. God is believed to have existed in the conditions immediately prior to the Big Bang.
Posted: Apr 18th, 2009
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Government agrees rescue package for snowmen
Gordon Brown has agreed emergency measures to save Britain’s snowmen, who it is feared are facing complete meltdown in the current climate. Having previously enjoyed a period of relative security throughout Monday and Tuesday, snowmen in the South-East in particular, are in danger of being reduced to just a rump ‘unless urgent measures are taken’.
The Prime Minister said in Parliament that snowmen were being lost at an alarming rate and that this was more than just a ‘face saving formula’ (although bits of coal were being provided for this as well). David Cameron lashed out at the plans, claiming that the government’s snowmen proposals were ‘all carrot and no stick’.
Halloween update; local youths ‘less frightening than usual’
Elderly residents of Manchester are reporting that they found it much easier to walk the streets yesterday evening, since the trick-or-treaters were in fact far less frightening than the same youngsters in their normal clothes.
‘It was such a relief’ reported Edna Jeffries, 76, of Whitefield. ‘I can cope with skeleton masks, devil outfits and ghost costumes. It’s the rest of the year when they lurk around with their hoods up that terrifies me.’ Other pensioners were reported to be delighted that just a handful of stale chocolate buttons seemed enough to make the muggers disperse.
