Responding to reports of falling fertility rates across the human population, Planet Earth said it was “overjoyed and relieved” at the news, adding that it was “long overdue.” “Out of all of my tenants, humans are easily the worst,” lamented the planet. [read...]
In an impassioned speech from the pokey confines of a nursing home, the ailing NHS hit out about her shocking treatment and labelled her 70th birthday celebrations as ‘a kick in the teeth’. ‘For 70 years I’ve been delivering a free point of care health service to millions of people and what do I get… [read...]
At the prestigious awards ceremony held in Moscow, Novichok expressed its joy and pride at being awarded ‘nerve agent of the year’ for 2018.
‘I’m blown away, I really am,’ gushed Novichok. ‘The competition was so strong this year. [read...]