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Cabinet members ‘too nervous’ to tell Thatcher she’s dead

‘I don’t think she’ll take it very well. I met her a couple of years ago and asked if she missed being prime minister and I experienced 10 minutes of ranting followed by a shout of ‘release the flying monkeys’.

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Posted: Apr 9th, 2013
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apepper

Doctors confirm it takes 6 months to recover from clock changes

Researchers into the effect of the changing of the clock for British summertime have discovered that it takes the typical person 6 months to adjust to the change in the clocks.

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Posted: Apr 2nd, 2013
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apepper

Pope resigned due to ‘disturbance in force’

A statement issued by the Vatican has provided more details about the Pope’s surprise resignation. The Pontiff, it says, was training a young padawan Pope in the garden behind St Peter’s when he sensed a huge disturbance in the force. He knew instantly, the statement said, the time had come to step aside.

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Posted: Feb 16th, 2013
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apepper

Horse meat latest: vegetarians’ smugness at 98%

Routine testing of Britain’s vegetarians has revealed levels of smugness of up to 98% it has been revealed. Traces of self-satisfaction and moral superiority were also detected. ‘I’m routinely pleased with myself”, said one veggie, ‘But now I’m absolutely delighted.’

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Posted: Feb 11th, 2013
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apepper

Post-snow horror worsens as greengrocer accused of selling snowman body parts

Lancashire police have launched a murder investigation after the gruesome discovery of a sackful of amputated snowmen’s noses in the stock room of a Skelmersdale greengrocer.

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Posted: Jan 28th, 2013
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