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Horse meat latest: vegetarians’ smugness at 98%

Routine testing of Britain’s vegetarians has revealed levels of smugness of up to 98% it has been revealed. Traces of self-satisfaction and moral superiority were also detected. ‘I’m routinely pleased with myself”, said one veggie, ‘But now I’m absolutely delighted.’

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Posted: Feb 11th, 2013
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apepper

Post-snow horror worsens as greengrocer accused of selling snowman body parts

Lancashire police have launched a murder investigation after the gruesome discovery of a sackful of amputated snowmen’s noses in the stock room of a Skelmersdale greengrocer.

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Posted: Jan 28th, 2013
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apepper

Non-celebrity chef discovered in Aberdeen

Scientists are hailing the discovery of Albert Troatlick, a chef at a Scottish themed restaurant in Aberdeen who is believed to be the last remaining unknown culinary expert anywhere in the United Kingdom.

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Posted: Jan 23rd, 2013
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apepper

Ricky Ponting sad to miss out on losing Ashes again

‘Losing the Ashes has been part of my life for nearly a decade now and I’m really going to miss it. When I watch the new captain grudgingly admitting that they’ve been outplayed, I’ll be thinking ‘that used to be me’.’ lamented the beady-eyed Australian batsman.

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Posted: Nov 29th, 2012
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apepper

Ryanair introduce ‘priority exit’ bomb doors

Cost-cutting airline Ryanair is set to introduce a new ‘priority exit’ service on their flights via a set of bomb doors. For a £10 fee, passengers will soon be able to elect to leave the plane up to an hour before regular passengers by utilising a ‘sudden loss of floor’ system. ‘Some people are in [...]

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Posted: Oct 18th, 2012
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