Overcrowding on a London Midland service to Crewe from London Euston earlier today reached a critical point when the densely packed passengers fused together to create dark matter and the beginnings of a black hole.
Posted: Mar 9th, 2014
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In an unprecedented disruption of normal relations between France and Great Britain, a Paris waiter has admitted being ‘accidentally nice’ to an English family visiting Paris.
The Hatcher family from Letchworth, Herts, are still ‘in shock’ after the incident in which bistro waiter Georges Latour smiled and wished the family ‘A bientôt’ and politely thanked them for the adequate tip which had been left for him. Graham Hatcher said: ‘We were completely shocked and I could see that the children were scared and upset. The holiday had been lovely up to then, typically Parisian.
Posted: Mar 5th, 2014
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The fugitive Ukranian premier Viktor Yanukovych has emerged as the manager of a branch of Carphone Warehouse at the Arndale Centre, Accrington.
Branch salesperson Greg Mottram said ‘I turned up this morning and there was no sign of Debbie, the regular manager, just this Yanukovich bloke. when I asked where Debbie was, I was told she’d been sent into ‘internal exile’. When I asked where to, I was told Rochdale which, you know, is a bit harsh.’
Posted: Feb 24th, 2014
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Spectators and judges have hailed a vintage field of competitors in the World Kamikaze Pedestrian Championships held this weekend in Oxford Street. This pavement classic ranks alongside the Paris Marche de Imbecilite and the New York Jostle n’ Sneer, regularly attracting some of the world’s dumbest and most suicidally inclined pedestrians in breathtaking displays of hazardous and massively inconsiderate streetcraft.
Posted: Feb 23rd, 2014
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The rather creepy over-muscled guy by the weights equipment is STILL just stood there watching according to nervous patrons of Club Physique Gym in Stoke on Trent. ‘He hasn’t used any equipment.’ says gym user Gary Wardle; ‘he’s just stood there holding a water bottle with a towel over his shoulder,sipping occasionally and watching the overweight middle-aged guy on the treadmill just a little bit TOO intently’.
Posted: Feb 21st, 2014
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