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US Ebola missionary saved by ‘advanced experimental prayer’

US missionary Dr Kent Bradley was said today to be recovering at home after being given the all-clear after his prayers beat a nasty case of Ebola he picked up while working as a missionary in Liberia.

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Posted: Aug 23rd, 2014
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USA sends $47M to Gaza to build more targets for the Israelis

Last night US Congress agreed on an emergency package of $47 million to send to Gaza in order for them to construct better targets for the Israeli Air Force.

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Posted: Aug 19th, 2014
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Scottish Health Ministry warns against eating raw Mars Bars

Scottish Health ministry officials today issued an urgent report highlighting the growing risks from eating uncooked Mars Bars, claiming that the habit seems to have been introduced by visitors and immigrants from the south, who seem to be unaware of how the Mars Bar should be prepared for consumption.

‘A raw Mars Bar can contain up to five grams of saturated fat’, a Glasgow-based nutritionist confirmed, ‘which is way too little for our digestive systems to cope with. Deep frying it in lard is essential to ensure the healthy goodness of the bar slides effortlessly through the stomach and is absorbed in the lower intestines.’

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Posted: Aug 4th, 2014
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Police to crack down on illegal barn dances

The Met’s assistant commissioner promised today that there would be a crack-down on the illegal barn dances being held in inner city areas, such as the event in Camberwell last weekend that attracted 2,000 neatly choreographed revellers from as far away as Wiltshire and Norfolk.

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Posted: Jun 19th, 2014
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England defeat blamed on not enough flags back home

Sporting experts have put the blame on England’s 2:1 defeat to Italy squarely on the fans back home for their insufficient support with flags and bunting, and without a massive surge in flag waving over the next few days England’s chance of winning the tournament look slim. As usual.

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Posted: Jun 16th, 2014
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