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Scottish Health Ministry warns against eating raw Mars Bars

Scottish Health ministry officials today issued an urgent report highlighting the growing risks from eating uncooked Mars Bars, claiming that the habit seems to have been introduced by visitors and immigrants from the south, who seem to be unaware of how the Mars Bar should be prepared for consumption.

‘A raw Mars Bar can contain up to five grams of saturated fat’, a Glasgow-based nutritionist confirmed, ‘which is way too little for our digestive systems to cope with. Deep frying it in lard is essential to ensure the healthy goodness of the bar slides effortlessly through the stomach and is absorbed in the lower intestines.’

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Posted: Aug 4th, 2014
More from Health



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Police to crack down on illegal barn dances

The Met’s assistant commissioner promised today that there would be a crack-down on the illegal barn dances being held in inner city areas, such as the event in Camberwell last weekend that attracted 2,000 neatly choreographed revellers from as far away as Wiltshire and Norfolk.

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Posted: Jun 19th, 2014
More from News In Brief



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England defeat blamed on not enough flags back home

Sporting experts have put the blame on England’s 2:1 defeat to Italy squarely on the fans back home for their insufficient support with flags and bunting, and without a massive surge in flag waving over the next few days England’s chance of winning the tournament look slim. As usual.

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Posted: Jun 16th, 2014
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Construction starts on world’s largest kaleidoscope

pictures will be extraordinarily beautiful, and quite bigAfter the final €20 million block of funding was agreed by European Science ministers late in 2013 construction has finally begun on the Super Kaleidoscope – the world’s largest – high in the Chilean Andes.

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Posted: Jun 4th, 2014
More from Science/Technology



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North Korea ‘deeply insulted’ at not being blamed for ferry disaster

North Korea has said that it feels ‘deeply insulted’ that South Korea has not yet blamed it for the recent ferry disaster and has detailed seven different ways their forces could have done it, along with a strenuous denial that they actually did.

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Posted: Apr 23rd, 2014
More from News In Brief