In an attempt to get out the government’s message about how we should spend Christmas with our loved ones, Boris Johnson has appointed celebrity skank and leisure suit queen, Vicky Pollard, as his new Festivities Gatherings Tsar. [read...]
A survey published today confirms that the average time you will stand in the queue at the Post Office is 46 minutes and it doesn’t matter how many people are in front of you. [read...]
The government is to change its slogan in the fight against Covid from Hands – Face – Space to Hands – Knees – Boomps-a-Daisy! The new strapline will start appearing in public information films in time for Thursday’s second lockdown, [read...]
Donald Trump has been readmitted to hospital. This time, he is suffering from the rare condition of having dangerous quantities of smoke up his arsehole, a condition he contracted via an unprotected interaction with a guest speaker at a rally. [read...]
‘Portly’ Mark is now reported to be holed up with Mr Bercow and is armed with a First World War issue Lee Enfield rifle which he is said to be ‘waving around in a worrying manner’ [read...]
