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Articles by Crayon
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‘Nigel now free to regrout bathroom’ says Mrs Farage
Since Britain left the European Union two-weeks ago, one Mrs Farage has been trying to remind her husband Nigel that he is now free to regrout the grotty old tiles in the bathroom. “I asked Nigel to do something about those tiles back in the spring of 1992,” [read...]
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Britain to take back control of scapegoating
The UK’s goats, cripples and single women can once again expect to be burdened with all of the nation’s sins and then cast out into the wilderness, or sometimes sacrificed, now that membership of the EU can no longer be blamed. [read...]
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Greggs to recruit meat-free staff
Greggs – the popular high street bakers and ground zero for coronary thrombosis – is hoping to make its vegan customers feel even more welcome by employing sales assistants that contain no meat whatsoever. The company’s new Head of Veganomic Affairs, [read...]
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Prince Harry and Meghan to live like bears in the woods
Following their frightful decision to step back as senior members of the British royal family, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have announced that they will be moving to Canada where it is understood they will live among bears in some densely-forested wilderness and survive mainly on fish found in rivers. [read...]