NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Other stories by darkbill

Banker learns everything would be better if he’d never been born

'Bedford Falls. Wallet Gains'Former Investment Banker, Henry F. Potter, was shocked to discover that life for everyone would be much, much better if he had simply never been born.

Read more >

Posted: Dec 6th, 2014
More from From The Archives



darkbill

No hard feelings, says PM as third Tory rebel dies in mysterious circumstances

off to get a sinister pair of glasses in the morningClive Tuck is reported to have driven his car off a cliff at a secluded beauty spot after first lashing his hands to the wheel and consuming an entire bottle of whiskey.

Read more >

Posted: Oct 25th, 2014
More from From The Archives



darkbill

Paisley and McGuinness brought together via miracle of Photoshop

Tony Blair and Irish Premier Bertie Ahern toiled into the early hours, cutting and pasting images of DUP and Sinn Fein members together to create a new power-sharing assembly at Stormont.

Read more >

Posted: Sep 13th, 2014
More from From The Archives



darkbill

Britain’s oldest man still waiting for BT Infinity

if only he could remember his password...‘I initially thought that Infinity was a reference to bandwidth, but I now realise it’s an indication of the average waiting time.’

Read more >

Posted: Aug 8th, 2014
More from From The Archives



darkbill

Use a big plank with a nail in it, advises Ken Clarke on self-defence law

you might as well kill them, kill them all!‘Every man’s home is his castle, and if he wants arrow slits then that has to be a huge improvement over all that ghastly stone-cladding and satellite dishes.’

Read more >

Posted: Jun 18th, 2014
More from From The Archives