Following desperate calls for dildo batteries to be added to the list of essential items during the current lockdown, the Government has made a U-turn. They will now be categorised as essential as milk, bread and Werther’s Originals. [read...]
With parks and open spaces threatened with closure or now out of bounds to humans for the foreseeable future, Britain’s ducks have made a heartfelt plea to stave off starvation. Spokesmallard Bill Drake of Regent’s Park said: ‘First we had Brexit and no more stale baguettes. [read...]
Communities across the UK have been told to brace themselves for a series of airdrops as toilet paper supplies run out in the wake of the Coronavirus crisis. Chinook helicopters are to be loaded and dispatched to strategic locations in England, [read...]
Thoughts of eternal bliss in the company of vampire heart-throb Robert Pattinson and the ethereal Kristen Stewart swam through her head when 16 year old Trudy Bellamy took her vampire oath at the back of the East Grinstead community centre. [read...]
The Department of Health said the move was in response to evidence that everything promoted and sold in supermarkets can encourage adults and young people to lead unhealthy lifestyles. [read...]
