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Olympic opening ceremony shortened to stop it overlapping with closing ceremony

The Olympic opening ceremony, which included 10,000 dancing nurses, mime artists and the performance of every Shakespeare play, has been shortened in length. Lord Coe explained; ‘The problem was that several performers were also required for the closing ceremony and there was no way they could be in both.’

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Posted: Jul 19th, 2012
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editor

God claims creation of Earth still on budget, despite over-running six day estimate

The Almighty has hit back at critics who claim that the creation of Earth was supposed to be completed in a day – and ended up costing far more than the original estimate. ‘That the original price was just for the Light and rocky bits. All the other stuff was extra.’

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Posted: Jul 18th, 2012
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editor

Beatification may be just down the road for the Olympic Flame

With a little over a week to go before the games’ opening ceremony, the Pope is to fast-track an application for recognition of the Olympic Flame as a Saint.

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Posted: Jul 16th, 2012
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editor

Householders across UK face deluge of local news crews

‘They were on us in a flash; all my tea and rich tea biscuits were swept away by a tsunami of camera crews and sharp suited hacks. Now everyone has seen my outdated bathroom suite and swirly patterned carpets it’ll months to get this place redecorated and back on its feet.’

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Posted: Jun 24th, 2012
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editor

‘Lease this pub’ now the most popular pub name survey reveals

A comprehensive survey of pub names has revealed the changing face of British pubs. The Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA) survey has showed how a whole host of new names has burst on the scene, displacing many an old favourite.

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Posted: Jun 10th, 2012
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