With the government teetering on the brink of a “Sh*t, looks like it’s unavoidable, that remaining £37.20 furlough pot is going to be a hard sell” lockdown, medal-crazed top-level selfish shoppers are plaguing supermarkets like a plague of plague-ridden locusts. [read...]
A government source has revealed that the inevitable embarrassing reversal over free school meals is being fast-tracked over fears that working class kids might be ‘getting funny ideas about social mobility’. ‘We were quite happy letting cafes and community groups across the country to do our job for us,’ [read...]
Ben Bradley, Conservative MP for Mansfield, has defended endorsing a tweet saying that free school meals vouchers were ‘£20 cash direct to a crack den and a brothel’ by insisting he was simply coming out in support of Class A drugs and prostitution. [read...]
Living swordstick, Jacob Rees Mogg, has reminded all fine upstanding British noblemen to command their wives and servants to wind their Grandfather clocks and pocket watches this weekend back to a time when, admittedly, he was just as mocked, [read...]
Jacinda Ardern has apologised to her partner, Clarke Gayford, for winning a record victory in New Zealand’s General election. ‘We’ve got one of those modern equal partnership things,’ said an understandably distraught Mr. Clarke, wearily wiping infant sick off the lapel of his velour leisurewear top. [read...]
