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Articles by fletcher
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Conservatives promise eternal life and no more dog shit
The Tories promise you will live forever and there will be no more dog turds dangling from little green bags amongst the foliage in your local park, but only if you vote for them. The announcements are amongst other high-profile initiatives as part of their ‘dynamic and exciting agenda’ [read...]
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Government to carpet pavements so homeless can be swept under them
The Government has unveiled an ambitious plan to eradicate the homeless from England’s streets by carpeting all pavemented public areas. “It’s quite a brilliant plan” enthused Housing Secretary James Brokenshire. “Our vision is that we can pay lip service to this social problem and sweep the homeless under the carpet – just like the old… [read...]
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Carragher signs lucrative sponsorship deal with Chewits
Football pundit and all-round gentleman Jamie Carragher has announced a major sponsorship deal with iconic chewy sweet brand Chewits, as the new football season seems to have finally started at long last. Carragher commented: “It’s foochin great laaa. [read...]
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Realistic UK drinking guidelines say: ‘Go for it!’
Government health bigwigs have revised their alcohol consumption guidelines to help people deal with the Orwellian grimness of everyday life in the UK. [read...]