Mastermind host, John Humphrys, has been told to quit the show for a much worse deal fronting eternally shit game show, Blankety Blank The timely advice comes after the veteran broadcaster, in a moment of inspiration, [read...]
The long-term viability of genetically-modified (GM) crops has been called into question, after members of an anti-GM group were viciously assaulted by roaming wheat columns larger than a double-decker bus.
Protestors broke into the Hertfordshire field where the feisty crop is being grown with the intention of uprooting it and setting it alight, [read...]
Remain voter, Frank Wilson, who is about to undergo potentially dangerous surgery to remove a suspect lump has been told the decision is final. Cavalier oncologists at the Royal London want to remove a “dodgy-looking” growth from Mr Wilson’s spine, [read...]
A Vodafone user has been unable to ditch his girlfriend because his signal is total wank, it has emerged. Mobile phone owner and horny first-year student, Sean Wilson, has been trying to phone partner, Sophie Goodier, [read...]
Former SNP leader Alex Salmond has for some unfathomable reason succeeded in getting people to pay for his groping-scandal legal fees. In a move widely affirmed as proper classy, the can’t-be-short-of-a-bob-or-two politician has managed to get the crowdfunding platform – [read...]