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FIFA 15 game to feature bribery and corruption

The new FIFA 15 football game, due to be released next month on Xbox and PS, will be the most realistic yet, claim developers.

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Posted: Sep 14th, 2014
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Tinky Winky to join Eastenders cast in desperate bid to boost ratings

Dipsy, La-la and Po-Face already in the regular castThe BBC has revealed that former Teletubbies favourite Tinky Winky is to join the cast of flagship soap opera Eastenders later this year.

Critics have been calling for the Beeb to take action following a long term slump in viewing figures. ‘I’m sure it’s no coincidence that Mr Winky is a former CBeebies stalwart,’ suggested The Guardian’s TV critic Andrew Collins. ‘Many younger viewers will have fond memories of him in classic Teletubbies episodes such as the one where they all roll down a hill and the one when they find a bouncy ball.’

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Posted: Sep 4th, 2014
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Gaza ceasefire made possible by shared love of Quorn

the basis for a two-course solutionMiddle-east negotiators have told journalists how they hope to broker a ceasefire agreement by reminding both sides that they share a love of Quorn meat-free products.

‘We were desperately trying to come up with some common ground over breakfast yesterday morning,’ explained UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon. ‘Just as I was popping a piece of succulent pork sausage into my mouth I suddenly thought, neither the Israelis nor the Palestinians would be able to do that. Then it hit me – they both probably love Quorn sausages instead! They’ve got no pork in them, they’re perfect for both religions.’

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Posted: Jul 17th, 2014
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Campaigners call for national register of MPs

'We need protecting from these people'Research suggests at least 646 MPs are operating in the UK, causing many to worry that political activity could be happening on their doorsteps.

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Posted: Jul 8th, 2014
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England squad tipped for great rendition of God Save the Queen

might make tactical substitution at half time and hum The Great Escape insteadEngland manager and singing coach Roy Hodgson has told a press conference that his side ‘can’t wait’ to get out onto the pitch and ‘sing their little hearts out’ before their opening World Cup match on Saturday.

‘We’re very excited about this young group’ he said. ‘We’ve got some great talent coming through. We sang well in all of our qualifying matches, and there’s no-one in the tournament we fear will outsing us in a head-to-head national anthem, especially the ones with no words.’

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Posted: Jun 13th, 2014
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