Jedward ‘may have been switched at birth’
The brothers themselves were said to be speechless at the news, albeit briefly. ‘It’s amazing’ shouted John, or possibly Edward.
Posted: Feb 10th, 2012
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Abu Qatada to improve public image with ‘I’m A Celebrity’ appearance
Soon-to-be-released terror suspect Abu Qatada has been advised by his new PR agent Max Clifford to start appearing on as many celebrity shows as he can in an attempt to improve his poor public image.
‘Abs, as he wants to be known from now on, has had a terrible time from the press over the last few years,’ explained Clifford. ‘The public want to deport him, but that’s just because they don’t know the real Abs. He’s a lovely lad really, heart of gold. What he wants to do is bare his soul on Piers Morgan’s Life Stories (although personally I’d rather be tortured in a prison cell in Jordan than talk to Piers Morgan) then try to move on. If Kerry Katona can get a second chance, surely anyone can.’
Scotland to be released on compassionate grounds
The nation, which was sentenced to be part of Great Britain in 1707, had been seeking a parole hearing in 2014, but it will now be released with immediate effect following medical reports that its condition is terminal.
Posted: Jan 11th, 2012
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Axis of Evil to strengthen squad in January transfer window
The Axis of Evil will need to act quickly to strengthen their squad when the transfer window opens again in January if they are to compete on the global stage in 2012, according to TV pundit Alan Hansen.
Posted: Dec 21st, 2011
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Hague fury as Kim Jong Il death too late to stop Xmas card
Foreign Secretary William Hague has today spoken of his anger that North Korean leader Kim Jong Il couldn’t have died a couple of days sooner, prior to the UK sending him a Christmas card.
‘It’s damned inconsiderate’ ranted Hague. ‘We got him a lovely card off Moonpig.com with his name on the front and everything which cost £2.50. And have you any idea how much postage is to North Korea?! We’re almost in a recession here for goodness sake. Couldn’t he have popped his clogs before I took the cards to the post-office last Friday?’
Posted: Dec 19th, 2011
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