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Other stories by jp1885

Russia cuts off email joke supply to Ukraine


The flow of email jokes into Europe has been reduced to a trickle following the ongoing dispute between Russia, the world’s biggest producer of online humour, and the Ukraine, a major transit hub in the email joke network.

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Posted: Feb 28th, 2014
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jp1885

Toyota recall 10,000 clown cars

Clown-Car
Comedy car manufacturer Toyota is to recall 10,000 clown cars following a raft of complaints from circuses across the length and breadth of the country.

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Posted: Feb 24th, 2014
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jp1885

‘Squashed Satsuma and Some Walnuts’ is this year’s top Christmas must-have

extra nut to be included in next year's upgradeEager shoppers are setting up camp outside greengrocers along the length and breadth of the country today in order to be first in the queue for the release of this year’s must-have Christmas gift: a squashed satsuma and some walnuts.

‘2013 is the year of nostalgia,’ believes Julia Franklin of Frankiln’s Festive Supplies. ‘Nothing beats the magic, after tossing aside the rest of your presents, of reaching down to the bottom of your stocking, pillow case or, increasingly these days, bin liner, to find the remnants of a small citrus fruit smeared over a walnut. It knocks your Playstation 4 into a cocked hat – cocked paper hats being another top seller this year.’

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Posted: Dec 3rd, 2013
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Afghan Jirga undecided on Strictly

smart money's on Ellis-Bexter, but is it too soon to give up on Susanna Reid?Afghan president Hamid Karzai has called a Loya Jirga, or grand assembly, to decide, once and for all, who to vote for on the popular BBC show Strictly Come Dancing.

‘This is a question that is tearing our fragile democracy apart,’ he said in his opening address to more than 2,000 Afghan elders. ‘Issues of sovereignty and legal immunity with the Americans, while of vital importance to our nation, cannot even begin to be considered while we are divided on whether Ben Cohen or Abbey Clancy should raise that glitter ball trophy.’

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Posted: Nov 22nd, 2013
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jp1885

Dimbleby tattoo: stakes raised as John Humphrys gets ‘intimate piercing’

nobody knows what retaliation Evan Davis has in mindThe playful spat between veteran broadcasters David Dimbleby and Jeremy Paxman has been blown apart after fellow political pundit John Humphrys appeared on live radio sporting a full array of metallic genital piercings.

‘It was like a piece of installation art,’ revealed a member of the Today programme production team, ‘special guest Rupert Grint didn’t know where to put himself – mind you, neither did John after all that.’

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Posted: Nov 17th, 2013
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