UKIP leader Nigel Farage today revealed that he has been instructed by God to build an ark in order to protect sane, anti-European thinkers like himself from the rising flood waters which God has sent to central Europe as a punishment for the incompetence and bureaucracy of the European Union… [read...]
Lapland has warned Britain that this year could be its last Christmas after stating that there would be no favourable treatment of the UK once it leaves the EU. ‘You can’t have your mince pie and eat it,’ Santa warned the UK today. [read...]
Prime Minister David Cameron has been put in an awkward position after staff at No.10 reported the disappearance of a number of wallets, handbags and mobile phones immediately following the Queen’s visit to Downing Street yesterday. [read...]
After reviewing footage of Tuesday’s incident in which Luis Suárez appeared to help himself to a chunk of Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini, Fifa has instructed the Uruguay striker’s handlers to ensure that he is ‘fed prior to all future matches’. [read...]
‘Ordinarily I would be proud to be the target of such accusations, but I think we accept that as an organisation we have underperformed and let people down’. [read...]
