NewsBiscuit

The Football Association has refused pensioner Edith Perkins the right of appeal against a straight red card shown to her by off-duty football referee Ron Withenshaw yesterday. The incident occurred during a light snow shower in Sunderland when the 90-year-old slipped and dislocated her hip on her way to the post office. Withenshaw, who was sensibly positioned on traffic-exposed tarmac, spotted the incident from eyes in the back of his head, and immediately blew his whistle and trotted backwards shaking his head.

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Posted: Feb 10th, 2012
More from Sport

The UK government has announced plans for a new public inquiry to examine the recent increase in the number of public inquiries. ‘We’ve seen a spate of new public inquiries in the past few weeks,’ Prime Minister Cameron told The House, ‘so it’s clear we need another one to find out once and for all whether the British public really are ‘institutionally inquisitive’ as some newspapers allege, or whether it’s just one or two rogue nosey-parkers.’

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Posted: Aug 25th, 2011
More from News In Brief

The organisers of Farnborough Air Display have announced a ‘very special event’ this year, with the show relocating from its traditional Hampshire setting to the ‘vast, empty skies above Libya’. ‘Rusting, burnt-out tanks with their drooping gun barrels casting long shadows across the arid desert will provide a backdrop of natural beauty,’ said the show’s artistic director, Raphael Nureyev. The decision to take the air display to Libya was one of the lesser-reported outcomes of the recent London Summit. Foreign Ministers from across the globe agreed it would teach Gaddafi a lesson if he was made to sit through the entire weekend event, watching endless demonstrations of the world’s latest aeronautic wonders and fly-pasts by French fighter-jets.

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Posted: Mar 30th, 2011
More from World News

Options include First Past the Post, Alternative Vote, Best of Three, Consult the I Ching, A Throw of the Dice, Paper Scissors Stone and WGAF.

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Posted: Feb 21st, 2011
More from News In Brief

When Dave Cormack finished tightening the nuts under the sink, he emerged at the feet of Samantha, taking in the view as he rose until his diminutive frame left his eyes level with her bosom. ‘That’s a pretty negligee,’ he said, ‘and a Yorkshire elbow and two hoses, call it thirty quid love.’

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Posted: Feb 17th, 2011
More from News In Brief