John McDonnell has confirmed Labour will bring monasteries back into public ownership if they win the next election. Thousands of monks were thrown on the unemployment scrapheap during the 1530s when Henry VIII seized their lands and buildings and sold them on the cheap to his aristocratic friends. [read...]
Fans of ghost hunting documentaries have welcomed Channel 5’s decision to recommission Para-subnormal Witless, hosted by Danny Dyer and Vanessa Redgrave. The show was taken off air several years ago following the fatal drowning of scouse chancer and charlatan Eric Pakora in a vat of tanning lotion. [read...]
Fears that senior Tory MPs have inadvertently shared sensitive data on their conference app were confirmed today when Theresa May picked up a call from a heavy breather. The male caller began with a long silence followed by some heavy breathing. [read...]
Tesco supermarket has announced it will go into direct competition with Cooperative Funerals in a bid to corner the market in dead people. Tesco plan to follow the basic principle of ‘Stack ‘em high and sell ‘em cheap’ and will bury people in their car parks. [read...]
It has long been thought that people who strike up conversations with strangers on the tube are either mad, lonely, or a drunken apparition. Sometimes they’re all three. But extensive research undertaken for eHarmony, a leading UK dating site, [read...]
