‘My fellow Americans, at a tremendous time like this you don’t need fake medical experts telling you what to do. That’s why I came up with these beautiful top ten tips for surviving the China virus. [read...]
The editor of the Daily Mail Geordie Greig has spontaneously combusted following reports that thousands of foreign rainclouds could be heading for the UK. Suspicions of a swamping were raised by the newspaper when BBC weather reporter Carol Kirkwood mentioned France and Ireland by name. [read...]
Odeon cinemas have announced a multi-million pound upgrade to bring movie goers the very best in bag rustling, chewing, coughing and chatting. Special microphones embedded in seats will pick up the sound of munched popcorn and slurped drinks and re-transmit them via a Rolls Royce jet engine. [read...]
Sir Nick Clegg, former leader of… Oh, what was it? You know, some kind of coalition thingy. Sounds like Lib Donut. Or was it Democratic Rainbow Alliance? No. Oh god. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. It was something like that. [read...]
The Sultans of Swing, a group of balding dads with ponytails, have disbanded after their lead trumpeter was arrested by police for ‘blowing Dixie live on stage’ in a pub way on down south in London Town. [read...]
