Man fulfilling lifetime ambition of becoming an astronaut ‘now sh*tting self’
‘Suddenly remembered just going to the top of a multi-storey car park made him feel queasy’
Posted: Oct 13th, 2013
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Poland overwhelmed by influx of British investment bankers
‘Coming over here, destabilising our economy.’
Posted: Oct 3rd, 2013
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Entire office picnic spent dreading appearance of acoustic guitar
Colleagues looked around anxiously, attempting to identify the owner of the instrument.
Posted: Aug 11th, 2013
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Role-playing sex games taken too seriously by Method Actor
Joanne Lowe was reported to be angry and frustrated after a suggestion to her husband that they add a spot of role-playing to their sex lives spiralled out of control. Upon hearing the idea of ‘the lonely housewife and the local handyman catching an eyeful as he clears the guttering’, husband Robin, a dedicated method actor, threw himself into the role.
‘I thought it would be a bit of fun while the kids were staying with the grandparents,’ explained 37-year old solicitor Joanne, ‘but Robin really began living the part. He put adverts in the local paper and in the newsagent’s window offering to do gardening, DIY, house clearances, all sorts.’
Posted: Feb 20th, 2011
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Bob the Builder sacked as middle-class parents demand more aspirational kids’ TV stars
Bob the Builder was the highest profile casualty this week as children’s TV channel Cbeebies responded to the demands of its aggressively guilt-ridden parent viewers to ditch the glamorisation of working- to lower-middle class jobs in favour of animated characters pursuing careers ‘that make risking negative equity to get in the right school’s catchment area worthwhile’. As part of a new commitment to quality the BBC has cancelled all shows starring members of the construction industry, postal workers, or ‘any job where there’s a chance their children could be unionised’.
Posted: Apr 5th, 2010
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