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Man’s entirely embarrassing life flashes before his eyes as social kiss goes wrong

has already asked water cooler out for a date insteadWhile leaning in spontaneously for an inappropriate and soon-to-be unreciprocated end-of-night kiss on the cheek of Angie Denham, wife of his firm’s Managing Director, the life of 26-year-old Bill Downing re-played itself in his mind’s eye as a series of excruciating gaffes leading to this disastrous current situation.

What Downing had registered as a definite forward-lean and head-tilt in his direction as the Denhams left the firm’s Christmas do, was actually Mrs Denham saying goodbye to the manager standing next to him, while looking down to get some fluff off the front of her top. ‘The split-second I moved in for the light hug and peck I realised I’d gone wrong’, explained the nervous trainee accountant, ‘but by then I’d already clearly over-committed’.

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Posted: Dec 5th, 2009
More from Features



nealdoran

Experts agree boy’s failure to ask teenage girl out probably is the end of the world

no point even texting anymoreScientists and religious leaders were united last night in agreeing that it was almost certain that a global apocalypse was imminent following the failure of Jimmy Welch to ask 13-year-old Emma Thorpe to the school disco.

‘We were alerted to the disturbing news after Emma’s mother overheard her daughter in her bedroom crying that this was it, that it was all over and that she was just going to die,’ explained Robert James, an environmental science professor at University College London, ‘and considering the data available – and that Jimmy is now going to the disco with that skank Sarah Miller – we think she may have a point.’

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Posted: Nov 28th, 2009
More from World News



nealdoran

Family politics takes chilling turn as mothers start making martyrdom videos

ageing mothers left with no alternativeMothers’ Union fundamentalists explaining for posterity the sacrifices they’ve made for their children.

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Posted: Nov 18th, 2009
More from Lifestyle



nealdoran

Chore inflation index shows emptying dishwasher now just as much of a pain as washing dishes

Self-emptying dishwasher still a way offNew data on irritation at day-to-day household tasks has shown that the benefits of modern living are being eaten away by chore inflation.

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Posted: Nov 16th, 2009
More from News In Brief



nealdoran

Method acting porn star spends six months fixing photocopiers

now ready to polish the glass, give the rollers a good seeing to then spill toner all over the placePorn star Randy Buck, was reported to have his eye on the gong for best male actor at the upcoming Adult Film industry awards following his decision to spend six months researching his next movie by providing 24/7 repair services for most leading brands of office photocopying equipment.

The dedication to ensuring that his lead role in ‘The Sex-retary needs a boner refill’ was an accurate portrayal of a hard-working professional attending to his client’s every need saw Buck take a six-figure salary cut as he lived and breathed the life of a photocopier engineer. ‘To be frank, it was a difficult job for a man like me,’ he confessed, ‘particularly getting used to the company-issue Farah’s, which caused no small degree of chafing.’

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Posted: Nov 16th, 2009
More from Arts/Entertainment