Labour has said that under them all crime will be nationalised, with the proceeds of crime being used to fund social programmes. ‘It makes perfect sense,’ said Labour leader Jeremy ‘fingers’ Corbyn. ‘Set a thief to catch a thief and all that – Parliament houses the biggest bunch of crooks in the land, [read...]
Ahead of local elections, the Prime Minister insisted that her catalogue of errors was due ‘dirty rhythm’ and ‘funky fever’. Voters should not blame her predicament on the sunshine, the moonlight or the good times (in the early 80s) – they should blame Jeremy Corbyn and Damien Green’s inability to delete his search history. [read...]
Hard as it may be to believe it’s being claimed that some time in the not too distant future whenever we telephone a major corporation, the phone will not be answered by an automated robot, [read...]
A man who revealed he has started to take The Daily Mail after canceling his subscription to The Guardian which he had read for twenty-five years, has become widely regarded as a total cock by nearly everyone who knows him. [read...]
True-blue British patriot and fiercely pro-Brexit super-boffin, Sir James Dyson, has announced his company’s latest reinvention of a household gadget that didn’t particularly need reinventing. Speaking to reporters he said: ‘The Dyson Turbo Sugar Spoon sets new standards when it comes to adding sweetness to your cup of coffee or tea. [read...]
