In a statement from the White House today a spokesman has denied the President requested ‘one of those Jedi weapons’ to dispel peaceful protesters from the White House lawns in June. ‘It’s possible we contacted the Pentagon on the President’s behalf to request a heat ray, [read...]
Senior government lawyers have paused packing boxes as they prepare to leave the Civil Service to ponder speculative questions around the breaking of Super Injunctions. ‘Hmm, yes, I suppose they could be broken under some limited and specific circumstances,’ said one senior lawyer, [read...]
Through a diet of Peter Mandelson and regular exercise – running from his socialist principles – Labour’s deputy leader has revealed he is clear of all leftist tendencies. A slim-line Mr. Watson told reporters never again would he succumb to starchy trade unions or refined nationalization [read...]
Scientists have found traces of, what they believe to be, the world’s most cringe-worthy piece of televisual schmaltz. The main culprits are a choreographed missed cue by Tess Daly, a pun involving the offside-trap by Gary Lineker or Jo Coburn smiling to camera. [read...]
A bitter row has broken out concerning 36-year-old Will Protheroe from Wimborne, who has been declared fit for work by the DWP despite having been in a vegetative state for six years. Three months ago he received a letter asking that he present himself at the local assessment centre for a medical examination. [read...]
