0
Boris ‘wearing suicide pants’
Sources close to Boris Johnson’s pants say they may be loaded with horribly explosive material and the contents could easily blow up in his or others’ faces. [read...]
Articles by nickb
0
Gavin Williamson to undergo widespread reassessment
Teachers who taught Education Secretary Gavin Williamson in the 1980’s have reassessed his performance as a GCSE and A level student, and asked Ofqual to rescind all his pass certificates, rendering him unqualified to attend Bradford University. [read...]
0
Massage, funeral, ice cream parlours to merge to clarify new virus rules
‘Funeral directors and ice cream businesses are natural bedfellows because both rely heavily on hygienic cold storage’ said undertaker expert Morris Smythe. [read...]
0
Bananas, avocados go head to head in fruit bowl ripening challenge
Bananas have attacked avocados’ claims to be uniquely capable of rapid and unpredictable ripening, claiming that their ability to turn from yellow to black in an afternoon is better than avocados changing from green and rock hard to black and mushy in as little as one day. [read...]
0
New fright mask combines maximum horror and virus safety.
A new range of rubber masks aimed at the armed robbery industry will incorporate state of the art virus protection with maximum shock value, announced a novelty manufacturer. Scary Industries spokesperson Ian Smithers said: ‘Now you can be a frightening clown, [read...]