It’s been alleged that thousands of people awaiting eye tests have been able to pay for illicitly obtained advance copies of the jumbled letters they must read with one eye closed. One optician found that a man who previously needed strong bifocals had, [read...]
Pictures of Boris helping old ladies to cross roads, playing with kittens and rescuing drowning children singlehandedly have been sent anonymously to newspapers, but Mr Johnson has refused to comment on them. Other pictures, including Boris leading a conga dance in an old people’s home; [read...]
The system by which masturbators will have to submit their private data to Porn-U-Like, the European Union, Sainsbury’s and MI5 faces a six month delay. This is because senior civil servant Sir Humphrey Smythe has yet to complete a full download of his favourite sites, [read...]
‘It’s almost like you’re entering a parallel universe,’ said John Lennon (78) who described himself as a retired musician and painter and decorator. ‘But here in Liverpool a universe without Freddie seems impossible.’ Lennon is one of a number of ordinary but offended Liverpudlians who has seen the new movie, [read...]
‘Hallo, everyone! Chris here. Grayling. And I want to tell you why I say Boris for leader. Easy. He’s fun! I mean look at all the funny names he has for, well I always find it hard to find the right word. [read...]
