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Clinton looking forward to ‘a massive cigar’

might still smoke it out in that quiet little room with no cameras...Former President Bill Clinton has greeted with delight the news that Americans might be allowed to import Cuban cigars legally after President Obama announced plans to normalise relations between the two countries. ‘I have had some enormous cigars in the past,’ he told the Washington Post. ‘As a young man these were totally huge. Many of my friends and colleagues will remember just how big these totally legal large cylindrical male-oriented objects were.’

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Posted: Dec 18th, 2014
More from World News



nickb

Torturers and torture victims to be tortured until they tell truth about torture

truth will out, with a bit of help...After revelations that the CIA used ‘enhanced interrogation techniques’ to torture prisoners, it has emerged that British forces may have to be tortured to see if they admit to having taken part in similar practices after 9/11 and during recent Middle East wars. The army believes that, unpalatable though it is, this may be the only way to the truth.

‘If we simply ask them whether they used torture, they will say no. If we ask their prisoners if they were tortured, they will say yes,’ said Brigadier Sir John Smythe. ‘The best solution is to put both guards and prisoners in a big room, re-torture the lot of them and see if either side changes their story. The nightmare scenario is if the soldiers admit to torture and the enemy changes its tune and says they weren’t tortured after all. It’s a tortuous process, so to speak.’

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Posted: Dec 15th, 2014
More from World News



nickb

Waiting times to assault NHS staff ‘have tripled’, finds study

free-for-all at the point of needThe latest report on the performance of the NHS has found a familiar but depressing picture of Accident and Emergency rooms full of people who have waited up to three hours to launch an unprovoked physical attack on a medical orderly or nurse.

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Posted: Dec 11th, 2014
More from From The Archives



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Trumpton constituency “winnable”, say UKIP

The marginal constituency of Trumpton East & Chigley is “absolutely on our list of winnable seats”, says UKIP, after persuading local residents that it is actually a real party, not something made up to entertain children.

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Posted: Dec 8th, 2014
More from News In Brief



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Republicans urge American police to ‘shoot more poor white folks’

A prominent Republican has urged American law enforcers to senselessly murder innocent white people, to ‘free police from the fashionable accusation of racism’. Senator Jimmy Smithers, who represents Hotsprings County, Alabama, received a warm welcome when he suggested officers ‘git out there and kill themselves some white guys to even the score, and make it look like nobody’s getting favoured.’ He went on to recommend the victims of the suggested shootings should be ‘poor white folk whose widows can’t afford to hire fancy lawyers.’

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Posted: Dec 5th, 2014
More from News In Brief