The company which supplies paddles that help rescue canoers and others from difficult situations which cause a public stink has ceased trading after reporting ‘turdulent marketing conditions.’ SCPC’s CEO Derek Smythe told reporters ‘Given recent events over the past year we expected much higher demand for our product than was actually realised, [read...]
‘DUP leader Arlene Foster has announced that she senses it will soon be time for her to ‘treat herself’ to a new, capacious handbag with ‘a quiet air of victory’ about it. She told reporters: ‘Sure it’s got to be expensive but all the same it’s got to not look too expensive.’ [read...]
CG: Hi my name’s Chris Grayling and my colleague Karen Bradley’s supposed to say ‘Hi, My name’s Karen Bradley’ at this point but she’s still having trouble with the studio door. Push! Karen, push! You’re pulling. [read...]
In an attempt to clarify international football and post Brexit EU regulations, the Northern Ireland backstop provision is to merge with Association Football’s offside rule, unless Her Majesty’s Government passes a contrary amendment, or the ball is passed illegally across any European Border or the half way line during play. [read...]
Spoon crime has shown significant signs of a turndown, according to official statistics. ‘Crimes like nicking a spoonful of ice cream from a son or niece while they are looking out of the window of a café have reduced by 18%,’ said Mike Smithers of the Office of national Statistics. [read...]
