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Other stories by nickb

Man called Tim elected to something

A man called Tim has been elected to something. Tim told a packed Vauxhall Corsa: ‘Hi everyone, my name’s Tim, and I am pleased most people voted for me, and if you voted for the other fella, well c’est la vie. That’s politics. It is politics isn’t it? Because I’m also up for being on the allotment committee.’

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Posted: Jul 18th, 2015
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Camila Batmanghelidjh told to simplify her name or else

kids v. idsWork and Pensions Secretary Ian Duncan Smith has ordered Kids Company boss Camila Batmanghelidjh to simplify her name or face instant liquidation of the charity that helps needy young people avoid contact with Conservatives. ‘Something like er, Margaret, or Theresa would be much more manageable and, as for the surname, well something a little bit English sounding would make our job of denouncing her as an evil thief that much more easy.’

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Posted: Jul 12th, 2015
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Government orders inquiry into why cover-up did not work

'Have they gone yet?' Why oh why oh why

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Posted: Jul 10th, 2015
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Radio 1 ‘could be replaced by piece of fruit’

BBC’s multimillion pound national pop station could be replaced by a piece of fruit, media experts say. Radio 1, which was Britain’s first pop station ever to broadcast the on air death of a disk jockey from natural causes, said it ‘welcomed the competition from the fruit item, which technology-watchers say is ‘well known’ and ‘not a banana or orange’.

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Posted: Jun 10th, 2015
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Reincarnation doubter reincarnated as carnation

A carnation spoke today of its regret at not believing in reincarnation in a previous life. The bloom, a deep red in colour, recorded at the Chelsea Flower Show, explained that it had enjoyed a previous life as Mr Andrew Smythe of Carshalton, Surrey.

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Posted: Jun 2nd, 2015
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