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Parallel world lacks parallel bars

Dr Micky Schmidt of NASA says Earth2 has Hollyoaks, Subbuteo, Partick Thistle, the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, bees, both Brian Coxes and headlines dominated by a gravy woman who has just died

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Posted: Oct 24th, 2014
More from News In Brief



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Emotional baggage handlers ‘very nervous’ about strike ballot

fears for tears‘Taking people’s emotional baggage on board is nerve-rackingly unpredictable,’ says handler Vic Smythe. ‘That’s why this strike is justified. Although a lot of us are terrified of the outcome. Terrified I tell you!’

Mr Smythe has been in the job five years. He explains: ‘This is a job that requires you to be genuinely sensitive to people, not like nursing, social work or being minister for disabled people. A new Samsonite his ‘n hers means a honeymoon, and your heart just melts.’

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Posted: Oct 17th, 2014
More from UK News



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Genes blamed for increasingly unfortunate Freudian slips

‘My family are understandably prone to Freudian slips,’ explained Lord Freud, after saying disabled people should be kept in kennels, paid 3p an hour and sent up chimneys to eat soot before being put out of their misery by privatised NHS death squads.

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Posted: Oct 16th, 2014
More from News In Brief



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Milliband to try beer

it's more than half full!Labour leader Ed Milliband will try beer, allegedly for the first time, in a bid to woo a wider voter profile. ‘One thing I do like about this pint of beer thing is you get so much!’, said Milliband, dismissing rumours of him being an ‘ale virgin’ who is scared of public houses which might contain public opinion. ‘People are understandably concerned about people coming here from, well abroad, really, and the pressures that puts on our economy. So that makes beer something I have a lot of time for. A pint, that’s nearly an armful!’ joked the Labour leader.

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Posted: Oct 12th, 2014
More from Politics



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AA to launch nervous breakdown service

Salute you, Sir!Professionals in the motoring and psychiatry world expressed surprise and delight at AA’s new roadside Nervous Breakdown service, available free with Home Start.

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Posted: Oct 7th, 2014
More from Business, Health