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Other stories by nickb

Bruce Forsyth expelled from the Falkland Islands for ‘doing the tango’

Sir Bruce Forsyth has been asked to leave the Falklands Islands after locals objected to an impromptu performance of the tango at a ‘Strictly Port Stanley’ event.

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Posted: Oct 6th, 2014
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MPs to register photographs of their genitals

All MPs will be required to lodge photographs of their genitals with the Sergeant at Arms’s office. ‘Most MPs have at one time or another taken a selfie of their private parts, and this is a simple step to avoid the current issues related to the Daily Mirror,’ said a spokesperson for Hansard, who will publish the genitals before each parliamentary term.

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2014
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Utility boss threatens ‘eternal darkness’ if energy prices frozen

historical data shows hell still warming nicely‘People who have stockpiled air in li-los, bicycle tyres, party balloons and inflatable women are acting irresponsibly.’

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Posted: Sep 10th, 2014
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Historians hail Grand Theft Otto as first video game

hailed by critics as 'a massive ego trip' from start to finish‘Players take on the role of the Prussian Chancellor, Count Otto Von Bismarck, and try to reunify Germany without catching syphilis.

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Posted: Sep 9th, 2014
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Asda introduces ‘slapping-friendly areas’ for shoppers with small children

won't be beaten on price, service or anything other than aisle 29 Asda is to create ‘slapping areas’ where frustrated parents can hit their children without causing offence to other shoppers.

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Posted: Aug 14th, 2014
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