‘It just happened,’ said septuagenarian Geoff Taylor of his big breakthrough. ‘After months of mistakenly calling Chloe by the name of Tom’s ex-wife, I just got it.’ ‘He was doubly pleased with himself because it happened just in time for Tom and Chloe’s visit on Boxing Day,’ his wife Jan explained. [read...]
A small number of voters yesterday refused to vote in the European elections, not due to disillusionment with the European and UK political class, but because they believe that the European elections were better when it was just them who voted and cared. [read...]
Returning from the dead this Easter Sunday, Jesus was troubled to find most shops he needed to stage a convincing comeback shut. Ignoring the obvious irony, he managed to cobble together an outfit out of onion bags and old newspapers [read...]
The British Geological Survey has revealed the source of the 4.5 magnitude quake from the nondescript office block in central London was the result of the sound produced by the fourth floor’s arseholes collectively tightening as, [read...]
‘Judaism and Islam are doing well partly because they have clothing their followers can wear,’ explained Church of England Communications Officer Jane Thomas. ‘The kippah and tichel, the hijab and burqa and so on. Well the C of E has never had anything for our followers to wear, [read...]
