Sources inside Parliament have revealed that the real reason why MPs are reluctant to return to the House of Commons is that social distancing rules mean games of tag during break time will now be ruined. [read...]
Scientists in Oxford have observed that following Boris Johnson’s speech to the nation on Sunday evening, the Coronavirus now seems to be unsure what to do this week. ‘It’s bizarre, it is suddenly exhibiting a state of confusion” said Professor Philips of Oxford University’s Jenner Institute, [read...]
Leaked minutes from a recent SAGE meeting appear to reveal the Prime Minister’s Chief Adviser to be an extra-terrestrial from a planet he refers to a Covid 19. The minutes reveal that the UK’s top scientific advisers are all under the control of Cummings who occasionally emits an energy ray from his forehead to ensure they obey his will. [read...]
‘We are now at the end of the first phase which is nearing the end. Pretty soon we’ll have overcome the sombrero and be bashing our way to the end of the first part of the next phase. [read...]
In an attempt to return leadership to Government, future Cobra meetings will be chaired by another well-known humourist, Fozzie Bear. Current Chair of Cobra, Dominic Rabb, gave a (sadly) lengthy interview to reporters yesterday outlining the reasons why Fozzie Bear has been offered the new role, [read...]
