‘Close analysis of the picture shows that Mary Magdalene is displaying obvious signs of cellulite,’ wrote lifestyle analyst Liz Jones. ‘Worse still, her hair is all over the place. Ooh darling, that’s a fashion disaster. [read...]
Systematic care home cruelty is about to be revolutionised by new disruptive technology which provides automated affordable negligence twenty four hours a day. The combined effect of longer life spans and the breakdown of the family unit has created a surge in demand for assisted living. [read...]
The club have now lost the first six games or the season without scoring a single goal, despite new manager Roy Hodgson trying new tactics in training such as lining up a cow’s arse and handing the players a banjo to hit it with. [read...]
An uneasy peace was hanging over the centre of Cowes, Isle of Wight, this morning after a series of riots that was initially sparked by passive-aggressive indirect communication between a man who needed the toilet and a group of born again Christians. [read...]
One 10-mile-a-day jogger explained how he broke the habit and found salvation in strong drink. ‘I had no idea how much of an impact my jogging was having on people around me,’ wrote Micky Cohen. [read...]
