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Other stories by ronseal

Dogs having to impregnate too many ‘Sorry You’re Leaving’ cards with bum smells

‘Once it was only when a long-standing pack member was leaving,’ said Monty, a border terrier. ‘These days, the plain brown envelopes come round to celebrate the birth of a colleague’s puppies, a successful de-worming and even a new basket. I’m fed up with having to cock my leg to congratulate some bitch I barely know.’

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Posted: Oct 29th, 2013
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Cigarettes ‘could help people quit hypnotherapy’

resistance is futile, but manageableJust seven sessions a week, standing outside a pub sharing lighters with complete strangers, gave Susan the confidence to talk to people she didn’t know. ‘I’m much more outgoing now and can make friends with anyone. If I ever feel a bit low, I pop outside, stick a fag in my mouth and start cadging a light off passers by. It’s a ritual that really works,’ says Susan.

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Posted: Oct 24th, 2013
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New Al Desko eaterie creates glowing screen environment for wannabe busy diners

People who miss out on the Al Desko eating experience can see what all the fuss is about, thanks to a new restaurant in Chiswick which brings keyboard/monitor/styrofoam style dining to the masses.

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Posted: Oct 18th, 2013
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Alan Carr Show keeps live audience, replaces presenter with canned innuendo

audience each given £300k for turning up and whoopingTV companies are trialling a device that could see celebrity chat show hosts replaced by cheaper presenters, backed up by an automatic smut peddling machine.

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Posted: Oct 5th, 2013
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Damian McBride voted ‘Most Inspirational Troll’

Damian McBride’s new book, Power Troll, looks set to scoop a handful of gongs at the Young Online Bully Awards, after he proved himself an inspiration to a rising generation of amoral psychopathic sadies. McBride was hailed as ‘the troll’s troll’ by a pandemonium of devils, ghouls and other fiends in human form.

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Posted: Sep 23rd, 2013
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