Sports fans are up in arms as tickets for the latest Olympics have been allocated unfairly once again. It emerged yesterday that 90 per cent of tickets have gone to the DSS, with the majority being shared among benefits fraud investigators.
Posted: Sep 5th, 2012
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The fight between Good and Evil could see a disappointing turn out at the polls, with voter apathy blamed on the convergence of the two parties.
‘They’re all the bloody same,’ said one voter, ‘nobody knows what Evil stands for any more.’ ‘I used to vote Good, but they’ve lost their way,’ said another, who refused to give his name for fear of recriminations.
Posted: Sep 1st, 2012
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The head of Essex Police has hailed the force’s superb handling of the big cat outbreak in the county, proclaiming that, with the odd exception, Essex is now safe for the general public with the threat of being eaten alive minimalised to a few unavoidable casualties. Paul Mason, the chief constable of Essex Constabulary, said he was delighted with his officers’ professionalism and bravery during the crisis. ‘We’re sending out a message, to the lion community, that Essex is open for business.
Posted: Aug 28th, 2012
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As Britain’s favourite fiscal watchdog enjoys its biggest fine revenues since unreliable records began, the boss of the Financial Services Authority was last night anticipating a stratospheric bonus. It’s the just reward for the regulator’s ”hands-off” form of policing of Britain’s most important industry, says the FSA boss.
Posted: Jul 4th, 2012
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‘Close analysis of the picture shows that Mary Magdalene is displaying obvious signs of cellulite,’ wrote lifestyle analyst Liz Jones. ‘Worse still, her hair is all over the place. Ooh darling, that’s a fashion disaster. Call yourself an icon? You’ve let yourself go – you’re a disgrace to women everywhere.’
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