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Other stories by ronseal

World speed-talking trophy retained by BT terms and conditions voiceover man

He puts his success down to squeezing the terms and conditions of BT contracts into a two-second slot at the end of every advert.

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Posted: Aug 1st, 2013
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Customers grateful for latest Important Changes to Your Account letter from bank

Though seemingly routine and innocuous, the blandly worded statements about what appear to be mundane banking procedures actually contain deadly hidden threats.

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Posted: Jul 27th, 2013
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Met Police launches new recruitment drive aimed at divorced alcoholic mavericks

‘If your marriage is on the rocks, if you have a drink problem and if you have got a hunch, my message to you is this: We will find you and we will hire you.’

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2013
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Maverick cops now in the majority, says Scotland Yard head of personnel

‘There are too many cops pulling stunts, tearing up the rule book and getting results their own way,’

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Posted: Jul 2nd, 2013
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Coming out of retirement for ‘one last job’ can be dangerous, says new research

give him back his winter fuel allowance and none of this would've happenedRetired bank robbers who come out of retirement for one last job run an incredibly high risk of complications, says Crime Scene, the trade magazine for professional law breakers, blaggers and briefs, which studied this increasingly popular trend.

According to its survey of 1000 criminals who’d been tempted back to do one more heist, almost all of them ran into dramatic complications which they hadn’t envisaged. Amazingly, in practically every case, the bank robber gets away without being caught but things are never the same again. Often their whole outlook on life is changed, and they realise something about themselves, and their relationship with their friends, that they didn’t know before.

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Posted: Jun 30th, 2013
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