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India to erect statues of George Osborne

During his tour of India drumming up business, the Indian government has announced it is to honour UK Chancellor George Osborne with statues of him in some of the country’s holiest places.

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Posted: Jul 12th, 2014
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Tour de France latest: Yorkshire folk ‘adopting French ways’

Vive les rosbifs!The population of Yorkshire has really taken the Tour de France to heart and is beginning to adopt French mannerisms and tastes as a result, according to reports coming in from ‘God’s own County’.

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Posted: Jul 8th, 2014
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Strict bedtime for young offenders to solve sperm shortage

A ruling by Justice Secretary Chris Grayling that from August all young offenders will have to be in their cells with lights out by 22:30 may solve the UK’s sperm shortage says the British Fertility Society, which said that this ‘may have untapped a major supply of sperm for us at a time of drastic shortages’.

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Posted: Jun 30th, 2014
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‘Messing about still core to curriculum’, says OFSTED report

Messing and mucking about is still the most important part of the school curriculum for most pupils, according to OFSTED. ‘It’s my favourite bit,’ said Brett, a year eight pupil at Scunthorpe Comp, ‘though school dinners when it’s double burger, chips and beans is good.’

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Posted: Jun 29th, 2014
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High-speed spinning jenny needed to boost north, claims Osborne

A high-speed spinning jenny shared between Manchester and Leeds could help create a ‘global northern powerhouse’, George Osborne has said. The chancellor said that modern technology meant that a cotton mill hand could work over 120 spindles at once on his proposed high-speed spinning jenny. ‘That’s a lot of yarn,’ he said.

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Posted: Jun 25th, 2014
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