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Returning holidaymakers ‘pose dinner party threat’ warning

People returning from holidays abroad or in the UK pose a significant threat to others, according to a social trends report. ‘The modus operandi is to invite friends to a dinner party where they are subjected to a lengthy and tortuous account of the host’s fortnight’s holiday in Benidorm or Newquay,’ the report says.

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Posted: Jun 23rd, 2014
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Tony Blair launches massive airbrush strike on Iraq

Former UK prime minister Tony Blair has launched a massive air-brush strike on the causes of the violent insurgency now gripping Iraq.

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Posted: Jun 16th, 2014
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Tony Blair not yet ready to buy a house in Iraq

getting in at the right time; getting out at the right time: timing is everythingMr Blair concluded that it was probably best to leave things well alone for the time being.

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Posted: Jun 15th, 2014
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Passport backlog: thousands of Brits wanted a holiday in Cornwall all along

'Thank God Rick Stein's not around to see this'Tens of thousands of people who have had to cancel foreign holidays because of the passport backlog have realised that actually they wanted to go to Cornwall all along.

‘We’d booked two weeks on the Costa del Sol,’ said Fred Ashford, from Ashford, ‘but as soon as we knew our passports wouldn’t be ready, we reappraised the situation and found that foreign adventures probably weren’t for us at this time. It turned out that our ideal holiday destination, in terms of climate, food, relaxation, home from home facilities and all that, was Newquay. And if it pisses down all week again, who cares? I intend to have lots of fun in this new pot-bellied surfing wetsuit I bought by not paying £55 each to speed up the passport application.’

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Posted: Jun 12th, 2014
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IDS stays in bed with curtains closed, neighbours say

‘It’s since he made a balls of Universal Credits,’ said one. ‘It’s the only proper job he’s had and he knows nobody will employ him in future.’

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2014
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