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IDS stays in bed with curtains closed, neighbours say

‘It’s since he made a balls of Universal Credits,’ said one. ‘It’s the only proper job he’s had and he knows nobody will employ him in future.’

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2014
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Man who feels like a stranger in his own country just a friendless bastard

‘Oh, Percy Williams? Everyone hates him,’ said neighbour Heather Smith. ‘We cross the road to avoid the racist shitbag. I don’t know about being a stranger in his own country, the bigoted old git is a stranger in his own street.’

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Posted: May 29th, 2014
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Waitrose shopper ‘strolled into Aldi nightmare’

Loyal Waitrose shopper Margie Bento-Davis is still receiving counselling six weeks after she absentmindedly strolled into a branch of Aldi. Her therapist has warned her that she may never overcome the shame of being seen in Aldi and almost buying something there.

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Posted: May 23rd, 2014
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UKIP voters determined to overcome X drawing challenge

UKIP voters are going all out to make sure they can draw a cross correctly on their ballot papers on Thursday.
‘I’ve being practising for weeks,’ said Fred Blackstone (67). ‘I don’t want it get it wrong and lose Nigel a vote.’

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Posted: May 22nd, 2014
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The Internet spots ‘Jesus Christ’ in football crowd

The image of a middle aged football supporter bearing a strong resemblance to Jesus Christ has gone viral, sparking fresh interest in Christianity.

The image was taken from TV coverage of Saturday’s FA Cup final in which Arsenal beat Hull City 3-2. The long-haired bearded man appears to be wearing a cloak and is seen apparently praying.

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Posted: May 20th, 2014
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