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Waitrose shopper ‘strolled into Aldi nightmare’

Loyal Waitrose shopper Margie Bento-Davis is still receiving counselling six weeks after she absentmindedly strolled into a branch of Aldi. Her therapist has warned her that she may never overcome the shame of being seen in Aldi and almost buying something there.

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Posted: May 23rd, 2014
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roybland

UKIP voters determined to overcome X drawing challenge

UKIP voters are going all out to make sure they can draw a cross correctly on their ballot papers on Thursday.
‘I’ve being practising for weeks,’ said Fred Blackstone (67). ‘I don’t want it get it wrong and lose Nigel a vote.’

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Posted: May 22nd, 2014
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roybland

The Internet spots ‘Jesus Christ’ in football crowd

The image of a middle aged football supporter bearing a strong resemblance to Jesus Christ has gone viral, sparking fresh interest in Christianity.

The image was taken from TV coverage of Saturday’s FA Cup final in which Arsenal beat Hull City 3-2. The long-haired bearded man appears to be wearing a cloak and is seen apparently praying.

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Posted: May 20th, 2014
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roybland

Romanian family declines house next door to German family

A Romanian family has turned down the offer of a house in London because they don’t want to live next door to Germans.

The family – who don’t want to be named – said they had nothing against Germans.

‘It’s just that the father of this family – he is English but has a German wife and children- smokes a lot and is forever down the pub.’

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Posted: May 19th, 2014
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roybland

Baboon resigns from UKIP

A baboon has resigned from UKIP following a fierce debate in the party over its future bananas policies.

Nigel – named after UKIP’s charismatic leader – indicated he was leaving the party which, he alleged, ‘has been taken over by a cartload of monkeys’.

The resignation follows revelations that two chimpanzees and an orang-utan had left the party amidst claims they had been fiddling their fyffes expenses and following remarks by a UKIP councillor that orang-utans ‘should go back to Pongo-Pongo land’.

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Posted: May 17th, 2014
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