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Other stories by roybland

Romanian family declines house next door to German family

A Romanian family has turned down the offer of a house in London because they don’t want to live next door to Germans.

The family – who don’t want to be named – said they had nothing against Germans.

‘It’s just that the father of this family – he is English but has a German wife and children- smokes a lot and is forever down the pub.’

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Posted: May 19th, 2014
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roybland

Baboon resigns from UKIP

A baboon has resigned from UKIP following a fierce debate in the party over its future bananas policies.

Nigel – named after UKIP’s charismatic leader – indicated he was leaving the party which, he alleged, ‘has been taken over by a cartload of monkeys’.

The resignation follows revelations that two chimpanzees and an orang-utan had left the party amidst claims they had been fiddling their fyffes expenses and following remarks by a UKIP councillor that orang-utans ‘should go back to Pongo-Pongo land’.

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Posted: May 17th, 2014
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roybland

Fat cat care worker won’t hand back 7 pence an hour pay increase

7p extra an hour. Every hour.Now unashamedly trousering another 7 pence for every hour – every single hour, that he works.

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Posted: May 15th, 2014
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roybland

London woman told to take it even easier

An 88-year-old London woman who has been taking it easy for 88-years has been told by her doctors to take it even easier. The woman, who owns several properties where she often takes it easy, has also taken it easy in many Commonwealth countries.

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Posted: May 12th, 2014
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roybland

Putin set to annex Eurovision Song Contest

Vladimir Putin has confirmed that Russia is preparing to ‘annex the Eurovision Song Contest’ if the country fails to win this evening. Russian choirs are reported to be massing around Copenhagen, with reported manoeuvres to out-sing Ukraine contestants and ‘their Western counter tenor backers’.

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Posted: May 10th, 2014
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