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Other stories by seymour totti

Abramovich sacks Abramovich

‘It has become something of a tradition that someone gets sacked when our Champions’ League campaign comes to an end. Only I’d already fired the manager.’

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Posted: May 22nd, 2012
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seymour totti

Sir Alex Ferguson complains about extra time at DFS sale

‘It’s a disgrace’,fumed Ferguson. ‘The length of the sale was clearly advertised on TV. We shopped accordingly and, by the end of Sunday, we had a lovely vibrating armchair with head massage settings.’

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Posted: May 16th, 2012
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seymour totti

WWF adds Crooning Lounge Lizard to endangered species list

love required several times a night, if they're luuucky enough‘It had been hibernating for years but we managed to tempt it out with a small bottle of Krug and a free trip to the Eurovision Song Contest.’

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Posted: May 14th, 2012
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Munch’s lesser-known ‘The Mutter Under the Breath’ sells at auction for £17.25

After living in the shade of the more-renowned ‘The Scream’, Edvard Munch’s sister painting ‘The Mutter Under the Breath’ finally sold at auction in London this week for £17.25.

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Posted: May 4th, 2012
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seymour totti

Psychic offended by joke that hasn’t been written yet

Celebrity psychic Derek Acorah has called on Jimmy Carr to apologise for the ‘needless and hurtful’ joke he is going to make at the Derby Assembly Rooms in early 2013.

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Posted: May 3rd, 2012
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