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Personal injury claims responsible for ‘soaring’ cost of S&M, claim MPs

The price of sado-masochist personal services has shot up in recent years thanks to unscrupulous behaviour by personal injury insurance firms, a group of MPs has found. At work, not in their private lives.

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Posted: Jan 31st, 2012
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‘Pesky’ jurors jailed for net-based research as fairground villain walks free

Four animated jurors and their implausibly large talking dog have been found guilty of contempt of court and jailed for nine months, after conducting their own amateur investigation into a defendant accused of miscellanous evil machinations at a deserted fairground.

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Posted: Jan 30th, 2012
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Outcry as Hare Krishna’s perform setlist of all-new material at Oxford St show

changed the words a bit, but rhythm section slower to adapt ‘They are usually a storming live act, but when you travel 80 miles to see them, you expect them to perform their big hit – it’s just not a Hare Krishna’s show without it.’

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Posted: Jan 22nd, 2012
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US announces staged withdrawal from ‘spillage in aisle 14’

still considering pre-emptive strike on LidlUS President Barack Obama has promised that all US troops will exit from Tesco Extra, Chingford by 2019 ‘at the very latest’. The staged withdrawal, is set to begin in earnest September 2013 – before the start of the unforgiving ‘English winter’ – with the removal of 12,000 troops from the Jams, Spreads, Preserves and Marmalades aisle.

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Posted: Nov 15th, 2011
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Authorities threaten St Paul’s protestors with George Monbiot

where's God when you need Him?Anti-capitalist protestors are in disarray after being told they face a lengthy and crushingly boring visit from columnist and self-styled eco-warrior George Monbiot if they don’t withdraw from their encampment in St Paul’s Square.

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Posted: Oct 28th, 2011
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